finally~
the crazy 3 consecutive papers are over so fast!rly fast!like just zoomed past..
3 out of 4 paper done!

crazy past few days..first 2 papers afternoon papers..still ok..
go home already late..but still need study..then study till 5,wake up 8 continue again..omg..
last paper was morn paper..and previous day still reached home so late le..and my tiredness rly reached the max point,almost 'breaking point' le..
rly felt like giving up since there was so much to cover..but hanged on tight..
noobie said fight till the end..so my fight till the end,is study as much as i can,and just go in and take the paper,no matter what..even though feel so super not prepared..

this exam,really 'breaking record'..
since dont know how long ago,started studying till 5 everyday..
since i always cant drag myself out of bed early..
and then total 10 hrs of slp for 3 days..from sun till today..rly crazy..
bef the first pp was so scared,cant slp..and noobie said she slp so early,and slp so long..so her 1 day+ of slping time was equal to my 3 days of slp!!

rly chiong like crazy,like studying with eyes half opened,and rly like panda,whole area ard eye like rly black..
coffee plus more coffee..though dont rly have much effect on me,it's just the mental thinking tt drink le will be more awake..
and yes i survived through this craziest exam,3 heavy subj,3 consecutive days..
so tired..until almost cant talk properly aft the paper..

haven feel this exhaustion,lack of slp for very long already..
rmb the last time,slping so little..was that time when sch just reopen..
first time talk to that ahgong on ph,till late..nx day still gt sch..
then aft sch still went out w him and go home late..then nx day gt sch again..
so it was ard 8 hrs of slp for 2 days..
but now 10 hrs for 3 days!rly crazy..
thankfully,the last paper is next week!!got time to rest and clear my slp debt..

and joke of the day for tdy..noobie yang..
corp finance pp tdy..to do 4 out of 8 qns..theory or calc type..
difficult paper plus we didnt study finish..
so tough until cant rly complete half of those calc qns..
and so..noobie said she had time to go through and try all the qns..and then settling on tt 4..and then still had half an hr left,nth to do..
macro teacher said before,we cant do a qns halfway and then cancel off and start on another qns,won't have time..
but noobie didnt just do it once!she did it all and still have time left..hahax..
pro noobie!

although done with more than half of the papers..just one more paper to go!
but cant rly feel the excitement..not like how i felt last year,cant wait..
though the remaining of may and beginning of june already lined up for so much outings..still dont rly feel tt 'happy feeling' coming..
esp,the thought of finding work..
rly don't feel like finding work..
rly feel like going back sh to work..
but don't know if i can face them all again,esp o..
it feels so bad,esp when i didnt do anything wrong..why do i have to be scared to go back and face them..
but it's just that feeling..
i know they'll all be reminded of it,if they see me again,back there..


i hate this feeling that everything,all the things that happened,all the outings,all the work experience there..
and from stranger with that ahgong,to a friend,to my ahgong..
this feeling that all the things that happened btw us,just seem like ytd..
all the happy times,all the happiness seem just so 'close',like it wasnt that long ago that i was still so happy,so so happy..
but actually,it should have been quite some time back,going to one year..
happiness dont seem that far away,that long ago..
that ahgong still said before..and i can never forget that sentence..
'i don't want you to be unhappy,i want you to be happy forever..'

and everytime i think of that sentence..my heart feels so pain,and tears inside..
because i keep thinking,that ahgong said that when we were reconsidering,he said how hard the long dist rs will be for us,for me,tts why he dont want me to be unhappy..
he wanted me to be happy forever..
tts why he wanted me to promise to be angry when he neglect me,so that he can 哄 me,and make me happy,and he'll like to do it,he said..
but what has he done all these time..
he never made me happy aft he said that..

instead,just created more and more hurt,and unhappiness..
how can he do that,when he told me that somehow touching sentence..
did it rly come from deep within his heart,did he mean it when he said that..
i dont know,really..
i only know,that all the touching promises and meaningful things he said tt time,tt captured my heart so much,tt gave me so much happiness that time..
have all changed and make me feel more pain now..
should i feel happy that someone said all those stuff to me before..but all the words and promises didnt have time to be fulfilled..
or rather feel that i shd not have heard any of those,because it's causing so much misery and pain now..


it's really so fast,this one year!
still rmb last year,aft exam,dinner outing w sotongs..
went w kengx to lunch w beet,when she was having her internship,in the super crowded raffles place area..
went with kengx to recruit exp..and then got tt sh job..
it just seem like ytd only..
and now,beet going to grad le,some more going her europe grad trip next week!
it seems like ytd when we just grad from cedar!!
but now we're all so near to the end our our study life!


why is happiness so hard to come by..
and when it comes by,why is the happiness so easily gone..
why cant we even grab onto that happiness that we want so much,treasure so much..
the feeling of happiness can grow and grow,easily,day by day..
but who knows,the next moment it'll just be gone,and disappear forever..

end up the great happiness tt u once felt will only become that unbearable pain,that regret that forever stays in your heart..

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