02052011- what could have been our 7th month together,on this long journey that we wanted to pei each other and walk together..
'Thinking to go to the top with you'..
'To be better and to be well for those that matter.. Faith in ya'..
'Stand by you,take care of you..'
'I'll be faithful to you..'

so many promises made,so much was said,so far ahead we thought,or rather that ahgong..
and yet..
7 months went by,more than half of a year..
almost 6 months living without tt ahgong beside tt ahpoh..
no calls,to hear his voice,to hear him play the guitar,to hear him sing..
no cute silly msges,to put on tt happy smile on me..
no nagging,to ask me to slp early,to ask me eat or drink more water..
nothing at all..
should i be glad that time's passing so fast..and the wound would heal faster..

how,when i still clearly rmb this day 7 months ago..
tt night downstairs..
thinking of it now,all the things we did,still give me goosebumps,and tt pinch in the heart feeling,so sweet..yet it's so pain now..
afternoon,tt ahgong when for family photoshoot,and went for buffet with family..
msged me throughout..
rmb first thing i saw when i woke up,was tt ahgong's cute msg..
saying going to take photo le..
and i just smiled,the first thing i did in the morn..
tt ahgong asked to go out..nagging me must go eat ok..
went home and called..talked awhile..and tt ahgong went to nap..
woke up then called again,complain slp until so hot,sweating..
talked about meeting later and everything..
rmb how i reached and called,and tt ahgong was already there waiting patiently,didnt even tell me he reached..
rmb the place where i saw him..dressed so nicely..and he still asked if he looked ok,nice ma..
rmb the places we went and did..
the first time shopping as a 'couple' somehow in daiso..
can never forget,how we went around,and then when we were queueing..
how we stand on the escalator..
everything..so clearly..
it was the sweetest day ever..
yet it's been 7 months..

today should have been a happy day we can celebrate today..
but now,every day of this month..
i can only look back and see and think of those happy memories we had tgt,tt ahgong looks,those happy smiles we had on our faces,in my head..
how pathetic,how pain..
when that ahgong won't even be thinking of us..



"When you lose someone, someone you love, when they break your heart, it’s the hardest thing you could ever go through, and no matter how much time has passed, it never really goes away.
You may think you’re getting better, but then you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of a memory, and it hits you all over again, all at once, like a stab in the chest. You fall apart for the hundreth time, and you feel like you just want to crawl under a rock and never come out.
You love this person with all of your heart, even though you know you shouldn’t. They hurt you worse than you’ve ever been hurt. They stole your happiness. But yet, you still want them, and only them.
Other people come along and give you chances to move on, but you know you don’t want to. It upsets you that you might be moving on, because you promised you never would. And even if they broke all of their promises, you want to keep yours.
On top of that, you’re terrified. Terrified of getting hurt again. But it’s not like that matters anyway.
At the end of the day you’re still thinking about that person who has left you completely broken. You don’t want to miss them anymore. You don’t want to love them anymore, but you know you always will. "


one more week to exams..
hang in there..
and i can finally not act so strong anymore..
feels like i will collapse then..
but i guess,i've become strong enough..

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