ytd corp finance teacher said..
just take one big step and you'll be out of the mud..leave it behind..

and i thought it sounds so meaningful,but it only it's so easy..
if we got into the mud..
if only we can just go home and bathe..and everything will be like as before..
nothing changes..no damage is done,because we'll still look the same again..
or can even look fresher,better,stronger,happier than before..
when it may all just be a facade,to protect ourself..
not no damage but rather,the damage done isnt just on the outside,not just sth so simple about getting dirty with mud..
it's deep inside..not visible at all..
and no one knows,no one can see,how deep the scar really is..
no can feel the pain..
even i also don't know how deep it rly is..
i just know it's badly scarred..
so deeply scarred..
because up till now,it still hurts,can still feel the pain inside..

cf teacher is such a good teacher..
always putting in so much,finding ways to teach us better,teaching us to the best he can..
he's naggy,always nagging,repeating,but he rly just want us to learn better..
not just teaching us what's in the notes..
but also,telling us how to study better,telling us about life..
motivating us somehow,telling us many meaningful things,to teach us,to walk a better path in our lives..

i rmb the first lesson,he was rly fierce and not v nice..
then the second lesson was cancelled because he got really sick..
rmb was out with ahgong tt day aft sch,and got tt sch msg saying his lecture tml will be cancelled..
and was so happy..not knowing that he actually was in quite a serious condition..
when he came back,he told us what happened..like he was driving on the way home..
then felt breathless and almost couldnt drive properly and stuff and it seems quite bad..
and he had to stay in hospital for observation..
since then,it seems like his attitude changed..
i dunno if i'm too sensitive or wad..but just felt that he did change somehow..
and from then on,at the end of the lect,he'll always say take care,be well,have a safe journey home..
even though the rest of the class doesnt rly seem to listen,just packing their stuff..
but i always looked at him saying that..
won't forget him as my teacher and won't forget all the meaningful things he said,taught us..
hope that he'll be well and continue to be healthy also..


dinner w kengx and gang before exams are here..
and we were talking..
kengx talking about the guy and the girl in her clique..
talked alot..
and then manman was asking why does it seem so easy for others to get attached..
and she was thinking about the theory of the apple tree that beet told us that time..
it says..

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the
top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. "

she was thinking,if we rly are those apples on top of the tree..
frens around arent bad girls,like those rotten apples,but they are happily attached with good guys..
then why are those 'rotten apples' so easily picked up,attached time after time..
so where exactly are we on the apple tree..or does that theory really hold..
are we apples..or other fruits??


beet was saying we're all just waiting for tt one day to come,and we'll meet that person..
wait and that day will come..
manman says why their wait so fast,so easy..
why is it so different from us..
beet and kengx believe so much in waiting..
and that the day will really come..and that person is somewhere out there..
just tt our wait will be longer and it'll be good..
it's rly about waiting long long,and it'll be ok..
both kengx and beet believe in it so much..
only manman and me..


i used to believe that if we wait..
one day,we'll meet that one impt person of our life..
esp when i met that ahgong,i really thought and believed that waiting will rly payoff..
esp when we werent even tgt yet,but the ahgong was thinking about it so seriously and asked if i would wait for him,4 yrs later,if he had to continue to work there aft he grad..and he seemed to see and want that ahpoh in his future,even 4 years later..
and because of that and our 'accidental meeting'..
i thought there was rly such a thing called fate,and that ahgong will be the one,and my waiting rly was worth it,and it paid off..
because it was like a dream come true..something that i wanted,was waiting for..
because i believed in it so much,and it rly happened..
because i waited,and i met that ahgong..
and meeting that ahgong was the best thing that happened to that ahpoh..
but what happened..
and the bad things seem so much more for me to handle..


and now,i just choose not to believe in it anymore..
not to believe in anything anymore..
because it isnt true..
and because i believed so much,that's why it hurts even more,when it didnt turn out to be what we thought will be..

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