on that day the ahgong leaves..
i was already feeling so bad..
because of how it all felt the same like last time..

my mum was still saying me why i went all the way to send..
she didnt know who i was sending..didnt how impt he was..
if she knew it was the him i always talked to,the'mmm mmm' she nicknamed him..
what would she have said..
my aunt also asked..who i was sending..
and not knowing that it was the him..
how she asked if i had a bf,on our 2nd day..
didnt noe i was sending tt 'bf'..without him knowing..
or rather didnt want him to know..

i already felt so bad..
so bu she de,cant bear so much..

then,i have to hear so much..
until i almost couldnt take it..
was so tired..mentally..
already didnt slp the previous night..
and ended up dont even know if i rly slept tt 2 hrs..
because my whole brain had all those things inside..
my brain was like processing it all..
until i almost didnt slp..


and the whole day i barely ate one full meal..
until i could feel i couldnt see clearly..
was already having a cough,and now coughing until i felt like vomitting..
not enough slp,no feel for food..
why torture me like that time after time..
i won't be able to hang on for so long..
won't be able to survive time after time..

no matter how much i thought..
i still cant figure it out..
even after all the things she told me..
it was so crazy..
the him we both knew..
were total opposites..
how he treated her and how he treated me was so different..
i don't know why.don't understand..

it's like he had a split personality or what..
that's why i find it so hard to believe..
and the him that i know,cant be like what she said..
it's so funny..
how can one be so much different..changed so much in such a short time?
or maybe he didnt change..
one side of it must be true..
so which side of him was true??
the him i know,or the him she know..

and i wonder and wonder..
when did my life started becoming so 'exciting'..
so crazy..
until it all seemed more and more like a joke to me..
it's all so drama..
so funny..it seems more exciting than those dramas..

it was supposed to be so simple..
why did it all become to be so crazy..even after so long..
it seems like things are unfolding slowly..
getting more and more exciting..
and i guess this should already be the climax already..

but the problem is..
i don't know what to do..
i've been thrown of time after time..
after trying so hard to sort my thoughts out..want to move on..
then something happens..
and then now,it happened again..
and this is really the climax of it all..

i really dont know..
i've been believing him all the way..
right from the beginning,when i heard all those stuff..
i just gave him the benefit of doubt and didnt ask him about it..
he explained and i believed..
because i thought i really know him..


but now,she's telling me a total different him..
totally different..opposite..
like the north and south pole..
omg..this is driving me crazy..
why don't just kill me straight..
and i wouldnt have to been bothered and tortured by all these so much..

when did my simple life become like this..

what am i supposed to do??
to believe the him that i know of..
or to believe the him that she know of..
to believe in what i saw or believe in what i heard..

i need answers..
and i cant get them..

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