8feb'11..
that ahgong must be on that plane..halfway to melbourne..
is this the last time i see that ahgong..
it was supposed to be..
but how much i hope it wont be..

they all wanted me to go,to get that closure..
but does seeing him just ends everything..
he didnt explain or say anything still..
i thought i was already slowly letting go..
i thought this could be closure..
but after that call..
i thought all my hard work was gone..
tt ahgong melted it all,again..
i don't know why..

last year,this tues,we should be on the plane too,to korea..
and one year later,i never expected myself to be at the airport sending that ahgong..
and crying so badly..first time crying sending someone off..
he didnt see..

thought and thought about this day..
i thought i shouldnt be going and send him off..
i wont know his flight details and stuff..
and he wont want me to do it also..and maybe won't want to see me..
and who would be like me so crazy,to go send someone off like this..
someone who hurt me so much..
but i just couldnt bear..
i was just so silly..

i thought and thought if i should go..
i asked jean..
she also said it should be closure for me,and should forget him after that,slowly let go..
i thought slowly let go,maybe,yes..
but it's so hard..
and forget about him is even harder,impossible..
she asked if i miss him..
and i said,yes,i miss so much,really so much..

i thought and thought..
and i decided to just go..
cause i really miss that ahgong so much..
don't want to regret not going..
just wanted to see him one more time..
and i just went and tried my luck..
i thought it should all be predestined..
whether or not i get to see him..

t1 had more flights..so we went there..
i was really scared..really shaking..my face was so hot..
because i just wanted to see that ahgong,i didnt want him to see me,didnt want him to know i went..
i wanted to leave..jean dragged me and i was almost hiding behind her..
so scared..
walked and walked ard but didnt see him..
saw those gates closing..and i thought i missed that ahgong already..
wont be able to see him anymore..

and we went to t3..it was even more empty..
and i thought thats it already..
i didnt dare to walk ard anymore and went up the escalator..
and jean went walking ard to see if she could see that ahgong..
i was up there trying to look ard too..but didnt see..
then jean came up and told me she didnt see also..
i was so disappointed..i thought i should have just asked tt ahgong..
i thought he's gone forever le..and that's it..
i wasnt meant to see him anymore..

and then i saw that grp of ppl tt was almost infront of my view right from the beginning..
that ahgong was back facing me..
it was too far and i couldnt see clearly..
but i told jean,those things look so familiar..
i could see those familiar shoes,that black casio watch,that black nike backpack,that familiar shirt,that familiar height and build..
the way he walked,his actions..all so familiar..
i didnt dare to see when he turn over..and asked jean to see..
she couldnt see clearly also..and we took some time before we were sure..

we wanted to leave already..but we ended up noticing them..
just stood there and see..
and i saw his parents,his sister..his sis and mum looked so much alike..
didnt thought of how his parents would looked like..
and i finally saw..
and thought about those strict voices i heard over the phone..the things they said..
those things that the ahgong said they did..
they didnt look like..


and i didnt know when that ahgong saw me..it was so high up..
the past few mths,it seems like tt ahgong's looks changed smhw,maybe because of his hair,him getting sick and losing 5kg tt time,and stuff..

but today..that ahgong looked just like the start where we just knew each other..
looked so much like that day where we first went out..
and all those memories came back..
and i really missed those times so much..
it rly felt the same,like last time..
and how much i wanted time to go back to that sweetest time..

i thought for so long if i should call him and say bye..was shaking holding tt phone..
who would do such a silly thing like what i did,to go see him off,and still call him to just say bye..
i thought maybe he wont pick up..
but i guess because he saw me,that's why he picked up,knowing that i would be able to see..
that moment was so crazy..
i almost freezed,tongue tied and didnt know what to say..
just wanted to ask him to take care and stuff..
and ended up just keep saying bye..
since he was busy going in..
that voice..i hoped i had recorded it down..
that same,familiar voice..
that same way,we used to talk..
i waited for him to hang up,like how he always used to,and i didnt because he always wanted me to hang up first..
and he didnt hang up immediately..
everything all sounded the same,the feeling i felt seemed the same..
but i guess it wasnt the same for him..

the way tt ahgong said hello,and how he said u hide there so long ah..
made me more stunned..
that tone,that voice..it was all so same..
i didnt know he saw..and won't know if i didnt call that he actually saw..
i just didnt want him to know i went..
if i knew earlier that he saw,i would have said bye to him face to face..
i wouldnt have wait till he was giving the passports then called him..

i guess i never regretted going,and was thankful i went..
if not i would have regretted forever,again.

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