the elders always believed that on this day cny eve to nian chu yi..
us,the children should shou ye,stay up till late..
so that our parents would live to a ripe old age..
i'm staying up now,later than usual..hoping that it's true..
even though our parents never ask us to do it..
but i really hope that live to a ripe old age..because i really cant imagine a day without them..

one day before new year eve,had early reunion dinner again at our house,without grandma..
she must be enjoying herself in ipoh..and i guess they must all be playing mahjong till late,everyday..
like the last time we were there..
reunion dinner..thought of how that ahgong would be having it..thought could have it tgt w that ahgong this year..

rmb that ahgong was asking about my family..
and him saying about his family and relatives..
he had quite alot uncles and aunties,thats why alot cousins?and i asked if he rmb all their names..
and that ahgong said yes..and was trying to name them all to me,one by one,on that phone..
and i was smiling..
thought that ahgong was so cute..so silly..
was he the youngest..?i cant rly rmb already..
but i just rmb this part of our convers..him naming those names, in such a cute way..

"It’s amazing. Some people, they just say these small little things,one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant.
Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever.
It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they dont know it, it still happens."

"笑一个嘛"
i guess that was it..how things somehow 'started',for me..from ec..


"sometimes a stranger can bring great meaning to ur life.."

that ahgong was supposed to be a total stranger..
where we would have just continue to walk pass each other,again and again,in office..
but because of that customer..we somehow entered each other's life..
and somehow 'brought great meaning to my life' and impacted me so much..
i don't know about that ahgong's..
but i guess it didnt..
i guess he'd long forgotten about everything..because she must be better..



it's so weird to spend cny in spore..why cant we be overseas now..
first time watching those spore cny countdown..
first time seeing those empty streets,all those neighbourhood shops,coffeeshops closing early,closed,for reunion dinner..
rmb how the cny feel would be so much better overseas..
rmb we'll always be in the hotels,hiding under the blanket,bec of the cold weather,watching those cny prog on their tv..
or dad would have eagerly bought alot of fireworks,fire crackers and we would put them..
rmb,last year,in korea, we were standing in the cold weather at the balcony,at midnight..
holding that small stick thingy that would 'shoot' small fireworks out..
and we saw how our neighbours,other families from the tour grp was doing it also..
rmb how last year on nian chu yi..the tour leader asked if we wanted to see the sunrise..
so we woke up super early like 4+ to go to that seaside and see that sunrise,that awesome view..
that awesome first sunrise of the chi year..
it was valentine's day..


it's so weird..and i don't have any cny feel at all..
it's so weird to go bai nian like on nian chu yi,or chu er..when we always go bai nian late,after back from hols..
it's so weird..it's the festive season,it should be a joyous season..should be happy..but i'm not..

i should be happy..
but i just wished that ahgong was here..
i dont know why.



"I know in the back of my mind that life would be so much easier if I never talked to you again.
If I shut you out of my life and moved on, I could finally get over you.
But you’re the only thing that makes me happy, whether it’s right or wrong and I don’t have the strength to give up on that."


that ahpoh want so much to talk to that ahgong again..want to see him again..before he leaves..
she keeps thinking about it,even when she knows it would not happen..
"i don't want you to be unhappy,i want u to be happy forever.."
you're the only thing that maskes me happy..
just hearing that ahgong calling me ahpoh in his way would just make me so happy..
just seeing how that ahgong's pic will pop up when he msg would just make me so happy..
just holding on to the phone,not talking but hearing that ahgong play his guitar and sing would just make me so happy..
it was so simple..

and as each day passes,that ahgong just seem to be further and further away,blurer and blurer..
seem to be gone forever,as time passes..
but i guess,this should be more true for that ahgong..

and slowly,maybe,that ahpoh wouldnt rmb how that ahgong looked like,maybe.


maybe.
how,when u seem still to be that star that stands out,the brightest in my sky..
how,when i still talk about u like u put the stars in my sky..

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