why.
when will this pain be over.when will i survive through this.

just when i thought it will slowly be gone..
why must it come back and haunt me like this again..
totally thrown me away.why don't u all hide it.

why don't u all just kill me.why torture me like that.

from sleepless nights..to slowly getting some sleep,because of how i got so tired each and everyday from running away,from crying..so pain and i could only hide in the toilet,cry it out to ease the pain,but had to control so hard,not to cry so much,if not my family will see those swollen eyes..till i was so numbed,the tears seemed to slowly dry away...i was trying so hard..


why.
to now,nightmares. so tired,yet, the moment i close my eyes,it'll haunt me,scaring me so much.

is this my karma??what did i do wrong to have to go through all these.why is god playing with me like this, time after time..i don't want to learn to be stronger through such a thing.the last one was enough.why 2 times.just when i thought i was finally forgetting everything about the last..
i found him..so much better..and never felt so happy..then why must all these happen..and become so complicated..
i just let it slip away..again.


should be slowly letting go and forget,why come back and haunt me again.


i've had enough.the past few months was like hell,worst than being in it.never so tired before.never had a good sleep since that first day, that was so sweet.
why must it change so much.why must it be so crazy.what did i do.

and sotong have to confide in me,telling how her dad may have cancer.i feel so bad.but i couldnt do much but to tell her not to think so much first,wait till the report is out.hao ren you hao bao de.just don't think so much first.and she have to ask me what did she do,is this karma,why must this happen.saying she'll even be willing to be a vegetarian forever,if her dad will be ok.


is it true that hao ren you hao bao.what goes around,comes around.
then why such things will happen to us.what happens to those baddie?i guess we're the baddie.i know she's going through so much more than me.mine is nothing compared to hers.mine is so dumb,so silly.i can only tell her not to think so much first.but why cant i do it.it's always so easy to say,so easy to tell others to do it,but so hard to actually do it.

just what wrong did we do to deserve being treated like this..
yes,everything happens for a reason..
but..what's happening now..


how i wish, i can get into an accident and suffer from memory loss,forgetting just all the pain stuff..and have a good sleep,waking up and be the same me again..
how i wish, we can go for a brainwash now,and wash away those unhappy stuff..
forget all those stuff that should be forgotten..

the worst xmas,the worst new year..
and as each day pass,closer and closer to my bday..the first time i'm so scared of my bday..so dreading it..cux i noe it won't be a happy birthday..


how i wish i can just go back to last year,where this time last year,i was still happily planning for my 21st bday,ordering the cake,food,preparing the presents..
waiting to go korea for cny hols..watching that sunrise in the snow,on nian chu yi,vday,making a wish..
and i thought meeting him was that wish come true..
still that happy me..

not like now,
where noobie kt,have to keep drawing many smiley faces on my notes,every lesson..
facing friends,family..
and all i could do was,
faking,faking and faking smiles..so scared to go out..
telling others i'm fine,dun wry..i'll be fine..i'll be fine..i'm ok..
trying so hard to be fine,to be strong,to move on..
when actually i'm struggling so hard to swallow all those tears,inside..


never had to be so strong before..
was trying so hard..
then why must this still happen..
what wrong did that ah poh do..
how can that ah gong be like this..


i'm so tired.really tired.
when will this be over.



all the memories..
if only we can turn back time,but the fact is,we cant..
but photography is a magic that can freeze time..
freeze that moment of happiness,that moment that we were really happy,that moment that i was really happy.

but now, i guess we cant see the truth behind it..



why cant it continue like the way it was..like the way i thought of it to be..
it was so sweet and simple..

why cant things be just so simple..sitting beside each other and msging each other, when others around didn't know anything, would just put on that happy smile i miss so much..

how i never forget him making this face at timbre,not knowing that it was the last time i see that expression..if i knew,i would have stared longer..








that first day out,just us..




coffee bean.having the coffee we both like..

santouka,eating ur fav jap food..




timbre.10/10/10.






Newer›  ‹Older