On that first day,he said, "To be better and to be well for those that matter.. Faith in ya "

you had faith in me.
i had even more faith in you,knowing so many things,what u went through before..but why must things be like this.

i wanted so much to move on,trying so hard.wanted to be better and to be well for those that matter.
for my family,my dearest friends..

my dearest dad called and asked if i wanted supper..
my dearest dad asked me to start looking for furniture for our new house..
ask me to look at those exp beds..i said i just wanted a single size one..just go to those norm furniture shop can le..bt he said those shops very lousy,buy a big one,buy a comfy one..
my dearest dad have been asking why i haven't been going out..becux of tt period of time where i kept going out till late..now he asks why never go out..
my dearest dad was so happy when i bought him his fav,armani shirt for xmas..
my dearest dad always wants us to have the best..giving us what we want..getting that house we like so much,so we could have our own rooms..even when it's hard on him..bringing us overseas every year since young..
the best dad ever..

i want to be better and be well for him,my family..be the same old bao bei nu er..
and for all those frens trying so hard to cheer me up..be there for me..

but i'm so tired now,so tired.i cant talk it out anymore..can only come here..
why cant that voice inside me go away..asking and asking why is this happening to me..how can this happen to me.
if i were them,what would i do,how do i do it,what will i be thinking,how will i feel.then how could they do it.


Grissom said,Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.
Henry James

what is hatred.i never got to know how it feels like.cause i just don't know how to do it.how i wish i can,and that's it,i won't be suffering like this.

was i too kind.was i too naive.was i too soft-hearted.don't know how the real world is. tt's why ppl i believed,trusted so much,can do this to me,treat me like this,and end up i'm the only one suffering like this.

even if it was not meant to be,not the one..

how could they do it so well..and show me how happy they are..does it make them so happy..
does it make their life better..

how does it feel like..
so tired.but could only fall aslp on tt couch.
hw scared of tt bed,becux lying on tt bed just make me rmb hw we used to happily talk,those late nights,in tt darkness,w my sis slping beside me..
and how scared i am,of it now.
how when i just lie there and close my eyes.tears can still flow out.
how my legs and hands get so cold.
how er xin i'm feeling.all the things i eat just won't stay there.
how i wish the lectures go on and on.and i can listen,even letting me stop thinking for a second was good.letting me get so tired,so i can have a good sleep,with no nightmares..
how scared i was for those thoughts to wander in class,so scared others would see those stupid tears welling inside,just had to listen and listen and concentrate so hard.
how i hate myself for being so silly.
how scared i am to see o in sch.how she have been doubting tt trust i hv in him.doubting i was wrong believing..but i still explained so much to her..wanting her to believe too.how scared i am to face her now..what am supposed to say..i can only imagine what she can say to me..already told u le.why u still so stupid..yes,i'm stupid..because i like him..
how scared i am to face everybody..feeling like a dumb dumb..

corp finance lect tdy..stock mkt,stock prices..

october effect: the theory that how stocks tend to decline in that month,because of investors expectations,from previous experience,how all the bad market happenings that just so always happen in oct..

how my oct actually started off so happy..and i thought how gd it was becux the subsequent beginnings of each mths would be so happy..how good it was to be able to start each month happily..and now how it ends up not to be a gd mth..and how i'm so scared of the beginning of each mth..it all seems to have become a nightmare tt is haunting me evday..

january effect:how its supposed to be a good mth..where stock prices generally increases..where there's an opportunity for investors to buy stock for lower prices before january and sell them when their price increases..

january..supposed to be my fav month,a happy mth..my bday..how i always look forward to start off the year happily..looking forward to my bday..and for the first time ever..i'm not looking forward to my bday..it means nth..why celeb when its not a happy birthday..

why cant i just return to last year,this time..
why cant i just disappear..
why cant the wind just take me away..
it's so tiring..i feel like i'm going to collapse soon..

that gentle voice..that ah gong..
how can he be so hen xin to that ah poh..
"promise to call me, if you cant slp.."
hw he called a 2nd time,becux tot first call was too fu yan..
"i'll stand by you..take care of you.."
"i want to sleep beside you.."

and one time..lying on the floor,on the mattress,in ur room..

in such a short time..how can tt ahgong change like that..
it scares me so much..that it was all fake..
so pain..
and i can only tell myself..not worth it not worth it..
but this is not that ahgong i know..
how can he be like that..
even if it's not the one..

why cant the wind bring me away..
why cant the rain cover my tears,wash away the pain..
why cant the sun put on a smile i miss so much..
why cant i just wish upon the star..
that it'll bring me somewhere i want to be..

why cant time go faster..and all these can be over..and not torture me like this..
why cant my heart stop beating and be numbed..

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