how does it feels like when u try so hard to go to slp.
and end up waking up in cold sweat,of tt nightmare.tt fear.
i hate this.

my dearest dad asked me if we should allow the tenant to extend and rent them for another one year,and increase the rent to 8.5k..i said up to him,and if the owner of our current house allow us to extend as well..then ok..

how much i want to tell him can we move out now,right now.i don't want to stay here anymore.every corner of the house is reminding me of all those memories..it's killing me.

the balcony..was sitting there talking and how he asked alot qns..asking if was someone else tt asked me out,will i go..so many qns..and i said he can just write a questionaire and send email to me..and i'll ans..cont to talk from the balcony..prep to leave house..take bus,mrt..all the way to grandma house..
the last day we talked..
the living room,sofa,my room..how i just hold on to the ph..talking..listening to the guitar..
below my house..that bench at the playground..the pathway we walked..that road at the bus stop..how i pei him wait for the taxi,that first day,i'll never forget what we did..how i sent him off..


all these i try so hard to run away from,everyday..but still fail..
why cant we move out now..i'm so scared of all these..so pain..so tired..
all these just make me wonder how can he change like tt..tt voice,tt face,tt stare..
now,seems so unfamiliar..so scary..
but i still cant believe he's like that..
and i still miss so much..so silly.

tt dumbdumb who said he like the way i called him tt..
said hw ahgong and ahpoh sounds like laogong and laopo..
said wanted to see hw i looked like w specs and will wait and won't go to slp if i dun send him pics..but ended up falling aslp..

tt was him,the real him..how can he be like tt now..
it's not him..he's not like tt..why must he be like tt..


first time..so stupid..so dumb..

lost my atm card and not realising aft so long..bec i just left it at the machine and walked away..
going to sch without my student card and almost lost my wallet..
why cant i just leave myself somewhere out there..just lose myself..be gone with the wind..since i cant differentiate the truth and the bad..and the pain will go away somehow..
cant imagine if my parents know what happened all these while..they will just scold me..for being so stupid,i guess..like hw everyone thinks..

why cant u all just kill me.
why torture me like tt,day by day.

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