Second early bday celeb.w 0702 clique.
Yet another unhappy bday celebration.
But so glad that i have all these lovely friends,kindest and real true friends.
it's not the number of friends that matter,it's those that are around,those that stay and those that are true.and i'm glad of really having such great friends.
Thank you,u all. loves.

dearest 0702 clique.thank you.














tt missing smile.when will i get it back.



one year ago,ytd was the day i had my early 21st bday celeb.why cant it be a happy one too for this yr. why just one year later,its so bad.
when i thought this year it would be an even happier one with tt ah gong...

How does it feel like when every morn u wake up just feeling so nauseous.
When u’re hungry but u just cant eat.and nothing seems nice,at all.
Just feel so disgusted,feel like vomiting.and all the food just make my stomach feel even more bad.
How does it feel like when u just have to force yourself to eat, and they end up not staying in the stomach. Why eat. Why so pathetic.

Why is spore so small.
I hate it.why must I go by all those places again.

Orchard mrt.
tt pillar infront of the ctrl station,where we stood there waiting, how u were helping me hold my heavy file the whole day..tt unforgettable train ride home,how we were standing so close talking,almost talking into ur ears,tt qns u asked..

Cinneleisure.
The first movie outing, the second w 4 of us.

Somerset,313.
Came out of the mrt station and immediately have to see that whole stretch of restaurants we were happily walking pass on tt first time out..
Basement breadtalk..where u bought so much bread for ur family breakfast, and didn’t have enough cash, wanted pay by card..
Pass by tt ocbc atm at the corner..how u were laughing at me..cause I was saying why can use tt atm, thought u were using another bank, since ppl seldom use ocbc like me..
Drank the same bubble tea we shared on our first day..

How noobie said she wanted ice cream..i’m so scared to hear ice cream or to eat it..cux it’ll just remind me of tt ahgong,a guy that liked ice cream so much..

All the memories just came back as I walked pass those places with our footprints..and I rmb so clearly how tt ah gong was..tt face..tt serious but cute,gentle ahgong..tt him that I know,that I like..bt thinking, how can he be different now..how can he change like tt..it's not him..and it pains me so much,thinking how can he be like this,cant believe..

end up,struggling so hard to hide those tears welling inside..
I really miss that ah gong so much. why so silly.

was it just a dream..
if only these 3 months was just a dream,a nightmare..
and I can wake up from it,and we can start from tt first day..hw good will it be..sotong shing said she cried for whole mth,the last time..and for me,maybe it’ll be a little longer..it’s not a little longer..1/4 of a year..everyday..why am I so pathetic..i hate myself for being so weak,such a crybaby..why get defeated so easily..when others keep saying it’s not worth it,but I have no other ways of letting it out..the toilet, I hate most,so scared of..but that’s the only place I don’t have to pretend, don’t have to be so fake..
the only place where no one can see how weak I rly am..

why can’t all these pain be just from a nightmare, and I can wake up and go back to where I’d love to be, just wanting to simply hold hands with that ahgong and walk this long journey tgt w him..be beside each other msging, and can ask each other to smile,xiao yi ge,when we’re down,when we’re tired..and it’ll just make our day,giving us strength,something for us to work towards..why didn’t we even have tt chance..why must it become so complicated..



the first time, u told me u showed ur frens my pic and they said nt bad looking..
the second time,u said they say quite pretty..
the third time, at ur house, u said they say v pretty…


the first time, u said u didn’t want to hurt me,just dun want to take the risk,don’t want to try anymore..
the second time, u’re doing all these things that I can’t believe u’re doing..
the third time….

Can u just tell me u’re doing all these deliberately to hurt me even further, to make me hate u, forget u..so that I won’t wait,cause u know I wanted to wait..can u just tell me this..and I’ll be fine..can u just tell me all those is not true..can u just tell me that ah gong won’t have been able to do all these..to hurt tt ah poh like this..can u just tell me all these are fake..and that ah poh was right in believing tt ah gong..cause she rly believed tt ah gong is a good guy, who can’t be doing all these..why must tt ah poh be the first to go through all these..even worst than that first gf of yours..why..


tt ah gong who deliberately talked to me so badly, to deliberately cut me real deep..so tt I will forget him,and won’t wait..?
then msged my fren to ask her to take care of me..ask her to help him take care of me..and told her nt to tell me..why..
"...but i need u to take care of her,real well...help me take care of her alright?"

when tt ahpoh heard what he msged,tears just flowed..
when all tt ah poh wanted was for tt ah gong to fulfill all those promises we had, tt promise, to take care of tt ah poh..

then why is he able to do all these..why must he..why cant it be tt the ahgong rly cared about tt ah poh,didn't want to hurt her,cause he rly like her and want to protect her..and we're walking apart from each other now,because it's not the right time..and one day,our paths will meet again..why cant it be just so simple..
why did he do all tt..


from Beatrice blog.
“Ironically, i thought that some understood me well and long enough, and give me as much faith as i give to them..and I didn't expect emotions and new people they met in their life affect the faith they have that easily..it's disappointing and sad to know that the emotions overpowered the mind to think logically of the underlying basis/ reasons of why a particular incident happened, or the emotions overpowered the mind to see what exactly is the issue or who are to be involved/ not involved,and at the end of the day, the reason for all the happenings was because of others.Maybe, one should care less for others and be selfish sometimes….. sometimes.”



"faith in ya" you had faith in me.i had faith in u too,the whole time..
that guy who said he'lll be faithful on that very first day..who says such a thing..
that guy who msged to say going to take family pic le..on tt first day..
sending a simple msg, <3 with that ;) face..and i was smiling replying,lying on my bed..
and when i asked what,ah gong..
tt ah gong just said nth,ah poh..

and i guess we were smiling from deep inside..
it was so simple..

that faith we had.that faith we shared.even if we weren't rly considered tgt tt time,aren't tgt nw..
how could it have changed so easily,so quickly..
because of "new ppl they met.."
and that ah poh was so easily thrown away,like rubbish,like nothing..


that guy who seemed so sad over his last rs,who liked her alot,haven't rly let go..
the guy who said,now he think of my name,he could rmb those girls faces,is he slowly letting go already..
how could he have done such a thing..when right at the beginning,before starting, we were so serious considering,thinking..asking if will wait,4 yrs later..
the guy who said we can somehow wait with our options open..and i said we won't know what will happen,it's so long..telling him,he might get attached..
and how he said he think he won't..
still say why tt ah poh no confidence..
the guy who asked tt ahpoh to go learn baking..


how could he have done all these..
even if that ah poh wasnt the one..



because i was too kind,cared too much bout others,except myself..?too nice??tt's why i end up like this?? deserve to be treated like this??
eileen said:ahma, u so nice sure can find someone better de..
when u told ur frens about me,they said i'm a nice girl,should cherish..
it's ok, if u didnt want to try anymore,didnt want to cherish..if it's because i'm not the one..
then why did u have to hurt that ah poh like this..
why.

Newer›  ‹Older