saturday.
that day we started our first day.
should have been the best day of the week.the happiest day that we'll look forward to.but now,i rly dread it so much.

that saturday just seem like yesterday.still can rmb what we did,so clearly.
why must things change so much when it all wasnt tt long ago,it all just seem like ytd.

had to leave home late becux hv to babysit sis.i was late.u reached earlier bt didnt say.
yamaha.in daiso,while we were queueing,on the escalator,outside ps at the seat,in the cinema.bought food,bubble tea we shared,stand there eating.forcing me to eat,feeding u..
sitting outside ps.tickling.how u wanted to secretly take pic.wanted me to..saying bout ur shoes..that talk on the phone till morn..

ytd,so scared of looking around and seeing things i didn't want to.i wish i was blinded.
walked past those seats outside ps,those lights..
still the same..tt bus stop u were waiting at,on tt first time out..was so scared to look,to be reminded of..but cant help but turned and stared,real hard..the bus went by the long stretch of road we walked,from douby to cuppage,to 313,taka, to orchard..it all seems like ytd..why cant we go back to that day..and i'll never have asked tt qns again,never.
i should have been selfish for once, and just thought for myself..


the first thing i thought of aft we decided to be tgt.was to spend my fav xmas,nyd countdown and go bali and celeb my bday with you.rmb how i wished u happy birthday one day earlier in office,but was still not the first.how much i wanted u to celeb my bday with me.but how u will never even wish me a happy birthday anymore.and it won't be a happy one anyway.how we didnt want parents to know first.but i thought maybe my bday,can let them know,and can celeb tgt..how u asked how i wanted to celeb,at ur house..


family advance bday celebration today.
throughout i kept thinking if only u were here..
if only i could give my family a surprise and let them see u..
if only i could let u enjoy the family warmth u yearned for,how my family was happily planning,marking down all the bday celeb on the calender,happily playing with the baby,happily watching tv tgt,simply enjoying family time..
how much i wanted you to be with me,celeb w me..

and i thought.why am i so silly, thinking of all these..
when that ahpoh should have been long gone or never once existed in that ahgong's world.
if he can do it so easily,why cant i do it..
or he could be happily enjoying himself,with tt someone else..
or rather i should have been the someone else.

why are u so silly,sarah,why so silly.
when can u stop being so silly.
so others won't treat u like this,won't bully u like this..

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