drink drink drink.
vic bitter.snowball.shots.illusion.
how many more to get drunk.
why cant it just wash away all the stupid stuff,forget all tt should be forgotten.
the more i drink i thought it'll just let me stop thinking for a moment.even just a moment will do.but why cant it help me just once.
i'm so so tired.

even one moment will do,one moment.

ps.timbre artshouse,the stairs by the river,facing mbs,the last time we were there,everything was still fine,why must it become like this.
now i'm so scared of all those places we've been to.why so many.
that bus stop we got off tgt on tt first day.i dun even want to take any bus there.i rather walk home,walk further from another stop.why must it be like that.

so scared of all the memories for each day of the week.just makes me rmb that him.why do i still clearly rmb.and he can do this already.

why cant i get drunk.
and i can have a good nights slp.no nightmares.or just let me cont slping forever.
and i won't have to wake up every morn so tired, to tt fear.tt fear of the the real world outside,what is true and what is not,who is and who isn't.why are ppl so scary. tt fear of going out.tt pain. tt feeling of what did i do wrong.

why help.why be nice.why protect.why dont want to implicate.why pity.why care so much about others.
when end up they don't even pity.don't even care. no one's protecting me.
why protect them right from the beginning.
and end up now like a silly girl,a fool,when others already told u so.
it doesn't bother them.it doesn't.they just can still be happy and live with it,forever.
how do they do it.
why so kind.i dun even know how to hate.how to feel.just feel so silly.
who to blame.no one,but me.
for being too kind,too trusting,
to him who she thought will never betray her trust,will never be like tt, not do this to tt ahpoh.
to ppl she barely knew,but a friend she thought.
and they can do it as though i'm a stranger to them,like i'm non existent.
for being so silly..to ask to think again..
and like someone like tt..so sillyly..

how does it feel like,liking someone,already tgt,and having to ask that person to think again,even when knowing tt he might just slip away..

how much courage it took.how hard it was.
she only thought and thought,didnt want others to regret,but what did she think,for herself.nth.what did others think for her.nth.
how much pain it end up causing.how much regret.
how much more complicated it have to become.

why is she so silly.
even she don't know herself anymore.

"dont go drink because of me.."
then why do sth like this..to hurt me more..
"dont drink so much bubble tea,not good.."
you said u'll take care of me..why hurt me like this..even if it's not the one.
you said u didn't want me to be unhappy,wanted me to be happy forever..
the person who called at break and ask if i've had dinner,told him i ate a little le,bt was worried i dun eat,and still msg during work to ask to go out eat,when he hardly uses his ph at work..
how can he do this..
it's not him..

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