met kengx for dinner in town..
ramen..
the last time i had ramen was with that ah gong..
that glutton ah gong..
that always got so easily hungry..
even in the middle of the night,halfway through talking on the ph..ordering mac delivery..

that first time out..
eating ramen at santouka,cuppage..santouka,the place where few sotongs work in clarke quay outlet..
eating that ah gong's fav jap food..
still rmb sitting at that corner cosy 2 seat table..
still rmb it was quite empty..
still rmb tt ah gong didnt have chopsticks..
and i said that dao waitress didnt like him,tt's why didnt give him..
still rmb sitting there,deciding what to eat..
still rmb sitting there,happily talking..rmb what we talked about..
still rmb how that ah gong was playing with my phone,and took tt pic of me..me covering my face..and said it looked artistic..and i've been using it as my desktop bkgrd..
still rmb how that ah gong wanted to step on me or what,but my legs were on the chair's thingy..
still rmb how that ah gong was eating..slurping his noodles..
still rmb how i gave all those cha shu to that ah gong,because i didnt like them..

still rmb how that ah gong said my black watch look like those ns watches..
and i said i like it ah..
and now i always like to wear it,even more..

because it'll smhw remind me of our journey..
i got it on the day i was going for the f1..
the day after we somehow started getting closer,the start of talking on the ph everyday..
it'll just remind me of how we smhw started,how happy i was that f1 prac day..
was on the ph w him the previous day but didnt tell him will be going back the nx day..the day itself went out my mum and aunt,went uncle house to see baby cousin then happily wanting to go back office..
was taking orders for koi at office,wanted order for him,bt o said his stomach nt well,didnt give..and he ended up sick the next day..
so happy at office,at f1 and home talking..
and the next few days..all the way till that first day..

because it'll just remind me of a gentle side of that ah gong..
how at his house,the watch was too loose on my wrist and the watch face was at one corner..
that ah gong saw and took my hand,and helped me adjust it..

it'll really just remind me of that gentle side of that ah gong,those sides of him that i like..that i know,rmb,want to rmb..
and not the him now that i seem to not know of..
or rather getting more and more unfamiliar,scary..

that ah gong always liked to stare at my watches..
the first time big grp outing..
at the tau huey shop..
he had tau huey w those lotus seeds and you tiao some more..glutton ah gong..
he just happened to sit opp me..
was staring at my watch..and i said..it's mickey..
and he smhw said in a sacarstic way,sth like i know its mickey ah..
he seemed so dao..we werent that close..

and i didnt expect that we would get tgt like that..
and of course didnt expect it would all go out of control..


was walking home..
on that pavement to my blk..
and the rain suddenly got heavier..
and i suddenly rmb how that ah gong was walking me home..
didnt want me to walk on the road..
want me walk on that pavement..and he walked on the road..
and i asked him to walk on that pavement too ah..it wasnt tt small..


nightmares..
i hate it..i thought in my sleep i can at least not think about all those..can escape awhile..
but why must it even haunt me when i'm slping..
why must they both appear..
i hate it..
even though its sth about him saying about them not being tgt already..
cant totally rmb everything..just rmb her scolding me or sth..
just rmb it disrupting my slp..make me so scared..almost breaking out in cold sweat if not for the cold weather..
i don't know why it got me so scared..when i didnt do anything wrong..

when can i finally have a good nights sleep..a nice sleep..with the sweetest dream..
like that first day..
where i really was smiling walking home,bathing,talking to him and then going to sleep,smiling all the way..
and waking up smiling also..
seeing that ah gong's msg..

why cant i do that anymore..


it was supposed to be the sweetest dream ever,no one can imagine..
because of such a meeting under those circumstances..and getting tgt like tt,in such a short time..
it was supposed to be the biggest surprise of my life, yet.

and now u're gone,that sweetest dream we shared is gone too..

but why must it seem to have turn into a nightmare i'm so scared of..

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