finally its the last day of jan,my bday month..
jan'11..a special jan w five saturdays,five sundays,five mondays..
just like in oct'10..it had 5 fridays,5 saturdays and 5 sundays..
and i thought oct'10 would be the most special,memorable oct of my life..

first time,it seems like the longest and worst bday month ever..
and i really hope that this would be the last.

thankfuly,because of my great friends and family..
i somehow survived through this crazy month..so tired..
with all the celebrations..
i know i didnt really have a happy birthday..
and the smiles they see are those that i've practiced over and over again..
but i just have to thank them all..my dearest friends and family..
and i just feel so fortunate..
if not for them..i really don't know how would i have hang on for so long,and also continue to do it..
it was for my family,my friends..
to be better and be well for those that matter..

photos that will remind us,and 'keep' those memories...
that will capture that particular one moment in time,of our life..
be it good or bad..
those memories,that will always be there forever..

i know that ah gong likes photography..
but i guess he didnt know that ah poh know..
and i guess that ah gong didnt know that ah poh likes it too..
that ah poh thought she could tell him one day,and it'll be our common interest..
that ah poh was just so silly..


















yet another night,lying on the bed,turning and turning..
and when i get to sleep,end up having weird dreams..

was studying and saw my notes,those from the beginning of yr2..
the time when we somehow started having outings in grp,and then just the 2 of us..and then gt tgt..
and i saw what noobie wrote on my notes..

stpy wywy..stwy..
our initials..
she wrote it aft tt time seeing us going out that first time..
and i rmb i was smiling when i saw what she wrote..how happy i was in lecture..
and i rmb she said that ah gong was not bad looking,from far because she saw from a distance..and i said so only from far..?
and i rmb how happy i was that period of time..so happy..
we were so happy..that ah gong and ah poh..
and i really miss those times so much..it was really one of the most sweet,memorable times of my life..
why cant we go back to those times i still clearly rmb..that i really miss..that i really love to be..

and i think of what's happening now..
i've always think and think..but still have not get any answers..
what did i do to have to go through all these..to have to be treated like this..
and it pains me so much to think of it..
they all say its a lesson..to be learnt..for me to see the real world..to accept that's life..
but i guess i can see the real world in other ways..
why such a lesson,why in such a way..when i though we were both so serious..when i really wanted to put my heart into it..
and it's not fun playing with it..
when did i ever do anything wrong..because what goes around come around..
what wrong did i do to have to deserve all these..
why..
why is he happier with her??so fast..?
i guess his status..he's waiting for her call..

one more week..
and that ah gong will be gone forever..
and he still have not said,explained anything..
and this will just remain the biggest joke of my life..

when it was such a sweet dream..
what did we do..

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