went out w mum and aunt ytd and sent sis to sch..rp..
that ah gong's school..
and i was looking and looking around..
wondering how was that ah gong like in his poly days..
thinking of that first rs he told me about..

and my aunt was asking again,if i hv a bf..
and everytime i see her,with my family,i just rmb how she just coincidentally ask about it,on our 2nd day..
telling me because she have a feeling..i almost wanted to say yes at tt time.
i guess,because i was really really really happy that period of time..
tt's why they all felt it..
time after time,i thought,maybe one day,i'll just tell her,tell my family.
yes,i had a bf,tt time when u asked me..

i wanted to say,yes.but we decided not to be tgt anymore,because tt ah gong was going overseas..we didnt want to take the risk and somehow want to wait,tgt..
i wanted to say that..
wanted them to noe how we met in such a way,how nice,simple and sweet this rs was supposed to be..
i wanted them to know,to show them his pic..our pic..
wanted them to know he's a good guy..
how he even asked if i'll wait for him,before we gt tgt..how he thought so much,talked to his friends about it and how we talked about it so much..
how serious we both were about wanting to do this tgt,walk this long journey tgt..
wanted them to see how shuai,cute tt ah gong is,those thick eyebrows,those jawbones..
that ah gong tt gt model job offers..

but now,how crazy it got and i find it so hard to accept and believe what exactly happened.
or rather don't know.

how my mum always asking why havent i been talking to tt person anymore..
even gave him a nickname 'mm'..
because of how i was on the phone w him..but he was playing guitar,singing..and my mum deliberately stayed in my room and played games..
and seeing how i didnt saying much,but keep mm..

why must they all remind me of those times..
that i really miss..that i really was so happy..never so happy...
i really miss that ah gong so much..
really miss talking to him,his voice,his chi..
really miss,just lying on the bed,talking,smiling..


today is a tuesday.the same lessons.the same timings.
the day we went out for the first time.
every tues,in those lessons,i'll just be reminded of tt tues..
how i was smiling happily msging tt ah gong in class..
how i was going to meet him after lessons..
how he asked if i was excited tt class was ending and i'm going to meet him..

how i wished i could be meeting him,after my lessons,again..every week..

why cant we go back in time.go back to where i'd love to be.

how do you stop urself from missing someone so much..



headache.headache.headache.
driving me crazy.

and her words keep running through my head.
it just keeps appearing,even though i know shouldnt be bothered bout it..
because it shouldnt be me that's done anything wrong...
and i just wonder,how those words came out..

"karma's a bitch. and yes it happened already SO STOP BEING SO FUCKING SELF RIGHTEOUS ABOUT IT. I DIDN'T STEAL. UGH!!!
AND I AM NOT WRONG OKAY, THE ONLY WRONG THING THAT I HAVE DONE WAS NOT ANNOUNCING IT. FUCK "

why did u post and then remove again..

right from the beginning,i have not,never even once,scolded her,behind her back.
i was just in the state of disbelieve.
i just asked myself,why is it so crazy,how is it possible.
i just didn't believe.
asking,is this really how the real world is like.
i've bear with it for so long..just wanting to blame myself..

and now,how it seems like she's indirectly scolding me,blaming me??
i'm the one that's wrong??
or is it his wrong and my wrong??
nothing of hers,at all.
so funny,that it's my wrong..and i'm causing so much pain to myself..

my wrong..what did i do,i wonder and wonder.
was it me that came in as the third party??
was it me that stepped in??
was it me that caused you all to end up the way now??
did i??
i guess that's what you're thinking..

when right from the beginning, when i heard about the things u said about him.
i didn't even want to say out.
i didn't want others to think of how u are,i didn't believe..
until j was telling me how u just called her and started scolding,bitching bout a fren,behind her back..
she was supposed to be so close to u..a close fren..
but i thought,maybe u were rly angry w her..tt's why..
but still,it was wrong..
and then i just saw hw u were asking if she's fine,seeing her status..
then,i really wonder..it's so scary..
to be so close to someone,and then not knowing that the person can actually be scolding u behind ur back?

so funny..was i really too naive..
to not see how people can really be like..
hypocrisy??all the invisible masks??
all the pretense.aren't they tired..

why is the real world so scary,so cruel..
why must people be like this..
survival of the fittest??are they really happy??

yes,everybody's saying i'm too innocent..
i understand that the world is a complicated one..a cruel one..
but i just thought the world can be a simple one,if we want to..

until everybody just have to convince me this is how the world is really like..accept and face it..
how not to be so nice until don't even know how to hate..treating those who treat u right..and know how to 'hate' those who don't..
don't be so weak and innocent and end up getting bullied by ppl..
when i didn't do anything wrong..

when i just wanted something so simple..

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