'I’m never letting this one go, because often certain people enter our lives at the most peculiar times for the most beautiful reasons. They seem to make the most perfect impressions while leaving behind an everlasting impact. Some of the best things in life appear when you least expect them. Things you can never forget.'



this was what i really thought..
i didn't want to let go..didn't want that ah gong to go away..
wanted so much to cherish such a chance,such a beautiful meeting..how we got to meet by such chances,when i least expected it..how our paths crossed and that ah gong entered my life slowly,unknowingly and captured that numbed heart so well..it was supposed to be the best thing that ever happen to me..supposed to be the sweetest dream,no one can imagine..leaving so much unforgettable and sweet memories,in such a short time..i just wanted so much to cherish that dumb dumb ah gong and thought he would too..
but why did it have to end up leaving behind so much pain,so much hurt..
and make that heart even badly wounded once again..


what to do, to distract myself..to stop myself from thinking..

mum went out for cny shopping w sis..
tt old me would always like to follow mum,aunt,cousins,just tag along,everywhere..
now,i cant go out..
or rather i'm so scared to go out..
even if i'm out,i just don't dare to look around..
so scared to see them outside..even if it's just tt ah gong..

i wonder and wonder..
if i really saw him or them outside..what will i do..
will i just immediately turn away,run away..pretend i didn't see anything and walk away before they see me..
or look at them,real hard..
or maybe before i see him,he'll just run away first..
or maybe he'll just act as if we are strangers..
what will i do..
i don't know.
but the only thing i know,is i'm so scared of that,till i get nightmares of it..
because i guess,if i really saw them,i'll break down,i'll collapse..
why,when tt ah poh didn't do anything wrong..
why so pathetic..

when deep inside,that ah poh just wish that she can see that ah gong once more,before he leave,before he'll seem to be gone forever..

but i guess,that'll never happen..
the last time i saw him..
i'll nv forget..the day at his house..
the day so many things happened,somehow..
the day i really wished for time to stop there..
stop at those moments..the things ah gong did..
stop at the moment where we were just lying side by side..
the day i'll never forget..
the day,that was one day after what was supposed to be our first month.

who knows that will be the last time..at that bus stop,seeing me off..
really seeing me off..

the whole day i kept trying to keep myself occupied..until i got so tired,rly tired..
poor dad haven't been eating alot home cooked meals..
since hols mum always went out w siblings,and then she got sick for one week..haven't been cooking alot..
so i just thought of cooking for dad..seems like the first time..
so i could really keep myself busy..
preparing..cooking..washing up..mopping..everything..
it smhow made time pass a little faster..made me think a little less..

but still,tt silly ah poh cant help but still thought of him..
moments where i really thought of tt ah gong,really miss that ah gong..
wondering how good will it be,if we was here..if we were still tgt..
wondering what will he be doing..is he ok, preparing all the stuff,as the day draws closer..
how i wish i could be with him,helping him pack some stuff,reminding him what to bring..
just be beside him..
how i wish i could tell him,since he's a light smoker,he should not smoke so much esp when he's stressed..
tell him the things i told him when he asked if i wanted him to quit smoking..
i won't force him,but he should..it's for his own good..
won't forget how he reacted..
that hug..


i just don't know why i can still be thinking of such stuff..when tt ah gong seems to not be tt ah gong i know anymore..
but how much i still hope that,everything bad was wrong,all was fake..
that the ah gong could not have changed so easily,so fast..to someone so unfamiliar..
that ah gong should still be that same ah gong..
that serious,responsible,gentle,caring ah gong..that ah poh fell for..

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