dearest kengx,manman and bt kept me in suspense all the way..
told me to meet them straight at srg mrt and follow them all the way..
orchard mrt again..cinne,and walked by all the places on orchard road,again..
walked to the place then i know..
they booked a full spa body massage for me..and we all had tgt..
don't know how to appreciate and don't rly like body massage..
but was touched,know they meant well,just want me to relax and have some gd rest..
thank you,my dearest jiemeis..
sry i lost the ring some time back..and u all have to get me a new one..
w new engravings..'sisters 4 life'..

at the end of it,the person was asking how was the massage,etc..
the person got to know they wanted to give me a surprise for my bday..
and was asking why didnt ask my bf come as well,and throw us that couple room..
i was speechless..and my dearest sisters just got that awkward smile..
i guess if we were still tgt,they would have planned sth like tt..

but..it'll just not happen anymore..

i wanted to say i don't have bf..i wanted them to say i don't have..
i just forced a smile.
i wanted them to know that i'll be ok...
soon..but not that soon..

today is a friday.
but ever since that fri,where we met for dinner and somehow started the first day..
i haven't been looking forward to fridays..i hate it..
how much i wish that i'll forget it's a friday..
if not i'll just remind me of that happy day..

how i was out having dinner w aunt..
and tt ah gong msg to say he ended work late again,as usual tt responsible ah gong, trying to clear his stuff..
won't go home get car le..will go straight to the thing then meet me later..
i was smiling,happily..msging tt ah gong..
till my aunt was asking..

how i left and reached earlier..scared he get lost..
waiting at srg intchg for tt ah gong,for almost an hour..
was standing at the mrt station waiting..
was smiling at his msg when he said he almost got lost,and still checking gps..
then saw tt ah gong walking out..
how tt ah gong saw me..and smiled too..
i'll never forget that..
how happy we were..
our happiness was so easy..so simple..


how we were walking back to the intchg to tk bus..
how that ah gong was asking how long i've waited..tired or not..
still helped tt ah poh massage..
when he should have been the one that's tired..after working the whole day..
and i should have been the one to help him massage,asking if he's tired..
but i've never got a chance to help that ah gong massage..never will..
it was always that ah gong that helped that ah poh massage..
it was always that ah gong that was always asking,worried if that ah poh was tired or not..

how much i wanted to always be there and help that ah gong massage when he's tired..
thought i would get a chance somehow..slowly..
but who knows all these will happen..
so fast..

he said it before but i just didn't even got the chance to say out yet..
to tell him..i like that ah gong..
didn't got the chance to say out,i miss him..
didn't got the chance to call him,what he called me,other than ah poh..

that bus ride to chompchomp..
our first bus ride tgt..
thought next time when i moved there..
that ah gong will still be with me..
and send me home on that same bus..
how we were happily toking..
how that ah gong tried to peep at who i was msging,asking who..
how that ah gong..randomly wanted to compare the size of our hands..

how we reached..so many cars..
tt ah gong said nvm...
how that ah gong..brought tt ah poh to cross the road carefully..

how we couldn't decide where to go aft dinner..
how we went back to my house..and sat below the blk..

everything everything is still clearly inside my head..

why.
how can that ah gong forget..
how can that ah gong change like that..
how can that ah gong be so different..
how can that ah gong be so cruel..


"Everytime i went somewhere or did something, i thought 'you should be here with me'then i'd think of all the things we had promised to do, all the places we said we would go.then i'd get angry,and then i'd feel sad and then i'd forget about it because what else it there to do?"


Everywhere i go,i really wished that ah gong was here..even if it was just msging..
i cant forget.
i just get angry and sad because we weren't able to fulfill all those promises..
that ah gong that wanted that ah poh to promise him all those stuff..
"promise to get angry..to skype everyday.."
even if it was something small,that ah gong still wanted us to have a promise..
"promise to talk again at night..promise to call me if u cant slp.."
he asked for those promises,when tt ah gong should have been so tired from work and should have some rest..
what are promises for,if they cant be fulfilled..

how could he have left her after making that ah poh make so many promises..
how could he have left her when he made tt ah poh have such a bad habit to want to talk at night,with tt ah gong..hearing that ah gong sing..and hear tt ah gong gently say goodnight,slp tight,sweet dreams..before she can really go have a gd slp..

why did that ah gong have to end up making things so complicated..


i don't know who left the msg there..

but i dun understand why its not a bad thing to lose something..
i guess it'll only not be bad,if it's something that we don't want..no more value..
maybe that ah gong didn't want tt ah poh..tt's why it's not a bad thing for him to lose sth..it doesn't affect him..

but for me..it's so different..

we weren't even tgt tt long..or don't even know if it was considered to be tgt..
it wasnt because we were unhappy..
it wasnt about dragging on,when we only just started..
it was supposed to be sth we wanted to do so much tgt,talking about it so much bef getting tgt..
it was supposed to be a dream we shared..
wanting to make that dream come true..

how much i wish that the things i see on the surface might not be what it seems to be..
how much i keep telling myself that the ah gong i know isnt like that..
cant be like this..cant be doing all these to that ah poh..
how much i cant believe that all those is true..don't want to believe..

but how i know inside..if it wasnt true..
that ah gong should have come and explained to me..
tell me it all wasnt true..
all that i heard was just rubbish..not true..

that was the least he could do..

we didn't even get a chance to put our pic as our profile pic..

how tt ah gong didn't want friends to know first..
but why did he have to put that pic to show me..
deliberately show me..
when he know i obviously can see..
if u really wanted her..
and u should know i didn't know about it..
or rather i didn't believe..didn't want to believe..
u should have hide it from me forever..
why let me know..
why must that ah gong hurt tt ah poh even more like this..
does it make him so happy..

why did she add me..
why must she show me..when she obviously knew about us..
does it make her so happy,doing all these..and not feel bad at all..

how much i wish that,that ah gong's doing all those to just hurt that ah poh even deeper..
so that the silly ah poh won't wait..
so that she'll just give up totally..
so that she can forget that ah gong..

but why must it all seem so true..
why.

how others keep asking me to just delete..
but i cant bear to..
to cut off that only connection left..
that place where it all somehow started..
i just cant bear..
i just got so scared of signing in..
i rather i don't use it..

than having to delete it..

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