your fav snack..mealworms..how u this glutton always eagerly climb up the cage when we open the pack..how u'll just go inside and stay there..

12 jan 2011,wed.

my birthday.

the day our dearest hamster,orh orh..left us..

as far as i can rmb,i guess this is the worst bday ever...

so ironic,when i thought it'll be the happiest with that ah gong..

thought can spend the whole day with him,even if doing nothing..it would still be so happy..

cause it's with that ah gong i like so much..the bali trip that wouldn't come anymore..

just so simple..when our happiness was so easy..

but i can't get it..

why.

why do i end up being played like that..like a fool..

and end up living each day with that fear,that pain,that fake smile..

and tt part of me that's always missing that ah gong..

and i guess,i'm the only silly girl,to cry so much on her bday..

crying to sleep on her bday..till her eyes were so small in the morn..

when all the msges came in at 12am..when auntie vicky called..

i read the msges one by one..

and all the msges was asking me to be happy..to be happy..to be happy..smile smile smile..

and noobie's msg,had so many smile smile smile smile smile..

and reading the card msges cedar sisters wrote..

saying how they want the old sally back..asking me to forget him..will find someone better..

when i know i just wanted him..to work tgt w him..

because love isn't really about the outcome,it should be the process,the journey...that will make the outcome meaningful,purposeful..

when i know i just wanted that door,that had to be slammed shut at me..for reasons others don't know of,don't understand of..

when i know i can't do it..can't forget that ah gong..

that was supposed to be so dear,to that ah poh..

can't forget,can't hate..even after that ah gong having to inflict so much hurt on that ah poh..

just that,that ah poh,will never understand what is he doing..

and i rly couldn't hold back my tears anymore..

it just flowed and flowed..

so pain..i really miss that old me too..that ah poh..

and i really miss that ah gong so much,wishing that he was here..

talking to me till late and wishing me a happy birthday..

singing happy birthday song and playing the guitar..

nothing..nothing at all..

how can that ah gong be so cruel..to that ah poh..

did she really mean nothing..

rmb how that ah gong was asking when is ah poh's birthday...

and i said i should take it out from fb..but before i took it out..

that ah gong checked the bday le..

how in his room,tt ah gong asked how am i going to celeb..

but i guess it doesnt bother him le..or maybe he don't even rmb,don't even care..

just rmb hers..just will celeb hers..

that ah poh was nothing..nothing at all..

what a birthday..

what did i do,to have to have such a birthday..

but one thing, i guess it just shows how lucky i am to have such true friends..

that are always around..and this silly girl is so glad that she have so many great frens supporting her..asking her to smile, put on a genuine smile..

'for a true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone believes the smile on your face..'

that ah gong who was able to hear something was wrong over the phone..

could see,the pain in my eyes,and asked if i cried..

when we didn't know each other for that long..but he was able to do all that..

doesn't that show how close we were,how we knew each other..how that ah gong is like..

but why..why did all these have to happen..

why does that ah gong seem so unfamiliar now..

when we were so close..and it wasn't that long ago..

i guess that silly girl needs alot more time than others..

strong she may seem..but..she's just a crybaby..

so weak, so vulnerable, just a silly girl..

and i guess,that genuine smile will take a long long time to come back..

how i wish a big big balloon can just bring me away..follow the wind,gone with the wind..and go to some place where i can forget about all these unhappy stuff..and bring back that smile..to that silly girl,that silly ah poh..