today's date is 11/1/11.
one day before my bday.should have been a day tt i was looking forward to,a happy day, a bday i was looing forward to spend with that ah gong..
but yet another day,i have to put on that fake smile,hold back those tears, esp as i walked pass those places,again.
ps.cathay.starbucks.
my dearest cedar sisters celeb my bday for me tdy..

thank you.to my dearest sisters.loves.

today is a tuesday.
the day that we went out for the first time,just us.
and it was at ps.
cathay,where we went to watch movie on our first day,the happiest day and the day w the greatest regret..and i rmb the exact place we walked pass,where i asked tt ah gong to think again..
as i stand on the escalator,just rmb how tt ah gong can stand one step below me,but still around the same height as me..


all the memories of tt tuesday,just came back again..everything..
how i got off the bus..turned and saw tt ah gong..
tt face,i can never forget..
kfc.how he bought mobile ticket.trying to bluff me,saying can just follow him go in,without any tics..how we shopped for fren's bday present.how i was playing w the ticket,hw we were playing inside the cinema..santouka..how he was checking the name of the jap fishcake,while eating..telling me its Naruto..how i gave him all the meat..hw he was paiseh to smoke..ion coffee bean..cuscaden..how he said we leave at 10,ok.. since i have sch the nx day..

as i walked pass the travelator,from the red line to the purple line..
just rmb how tt ah gong preferred to stand on my left side,how i like to stand on his right..how we were standing on wrong sides,and i pushed him to let him stand on the correct side..
tt train ride home..tt long walk home frm srg mrt..
how i was playing w my carebear softtoy,and him saying the legs are coming off le..how he tried to grab my hands..

tt long walk back home,w him..
tt wait behind my blk,for the taxi..what he said..
how i went home happily,and msged to say i was home..asking me go bathe first..
but tdy,he isnt here anymore,won't be here anymore..
how much i wanted him to be here..
how hard i was trying not to think of tt day,as i walk by those places..
tt him..who seem so diff now..it's so hard..
holding back my tears,thinking what happened all these time..
why so crazy..

this bday i was looking forward so much to celeb w tt ah gong..

who said wanted to go bali before going aust,asking if i wanted to go..
how much i wanted to go with him,and celeb a memorable bday with him..
how i thought,we could be talking on the ph now,and he'll be the first to wish me happy bday,over the ph..
but now..i won't even get any bday wish,any bday present..
nth.
just so much pain he left behind,so much hurt.why.


how hard i was trying to smile,to hold back my tears,seeing how i have such great frens..
helping me celeb my bday tdy..and still secretly planning sth for me on fri..
knowing they just want to cheer me up..and how bad i felt..
seeing the card they made..the msges saying they want the old sally back..
and the tears just fell..

saying how i will find someone waaaay better..

and i rmb how i was deciding whether or not to tell my dearest sisters bout us..
when i just gt tgt with him and after i had asked him to think again..
so scared,worried because i didn't know if it'll just end like tt..
bt i still told them in the end..cux i was so happy i found him..
told them about him,all the things he did..
and they all think he's a good guy too..and was so happy for me..
even when i told them tt we're still thinking again..they said it'll be ok,it'll be fine..
saying how it shows tt he was rly serious about this,a good guy..
and how i told them, he was my eyecandy..
how they said it was so sweet..to have a ec becoming a bf..
they were so happy for me..wanting to see him..

how others fren were saying he's prince william,and how sarah meant princess..
and how office frens just happened to call me gongzhu..
everything and everything..
how we got to meet in such a way..how we slowly gt closer..how he got rid of the nt rdy thought,and we both wanted to try..hw we talked about it so much..and then hw we gt tgt,in such a short time..
how i posted randomly on the first day..02102010-day one, of the long journey ahead..and the time was 1.02 pm..(oct 2nd)

i thought it was fate..

and wanted so much to believe in it,cherish it and work it out with that ah gong..
why didn't he give us a chance..and end up still doing all these..

why didn't i be selfish,for once,for myself..

why did i protect others.why cared so much and help others,who didn't cared about me..and end up, i'm the one,causing so much hurt to myself..

it was the sweetest dream ever,no one can ever dream of..
and i just wanted to simply move on keeping this sweet dream inside..

but why must it turn out like this..
why must it turn out to be so scary..why must that ah gong be like this..
and affect me so much,like never before..

how much i wish that ah gong can explain to me..
telling me all these is not true..he cant be doing all these..
i believed so much tt he isn't a bad guy..hw the things he said,showed me so much,tt he isnt..
how tt ah gong said he wasnt worthy for tt ah poh..saying he's a bad guy..
how tt ah poh said..if he's a bad guy,ah poh would not have decided to be with him..
tt ah poh just wanted tt ah gong to believe in himself,just like how tt ah poh would want to..
tt ah poh can never believe that the ah gong can be doing all these...
but i'm so scared.

yet,i really miss talking to that ah gong.
and it's so pain,because i'll never ever get to talk to tt ah gong,anymore.

but,now..why..what's happening..
when at the beginning everybody thought he was a good guy..was so happy for me..

i don't understand,i can't understand,i never will understand.

how much i wanted to believe that if fate wanted us to meet like this, at this wrong time,it'll bring us somewhere,somehow,even if it will take 4 years to get there..

why hurt the silly ah poh,who just wanted something so simple,like that..

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