Today's 04092011..
Happy 23rd birthday,Ah gong..




Last year,tt time,we just barely knew each other..
but i still got to know tt ahgong's bday by chance..
bec his bday wanted off and he asked to swap off day..
tt time he was being 'ec-ed' alrdy,wanted so much to help him also..
bt i had wk tt day, couldnt get off to go shings bday earlier also..
rmb tt day,cable billing team still had sm chalet also..jean n o went and kp asking me to go..
last time,the cable team was so much nicer and so fun..

last yr,we didnt rly know each other,but i could still wish him happy birthday face to face,one day in adv,thinking i was the first..
but another fren wished him first..
and tt ahgong still showed me his ic and driving licence,to show me he's born in 88..

this yr,i cant even send a msg or what to wish tt ahgong happy bday..
and i never ever got to get a present for tt ahgong..
when we got tgt,was so looking forward to celebrating our first bdays tgt..
what to make and get for tt ahgong..
but i guess i sillyly thought too far..

i thought for so long whether i shd send him a msg or what..
but i didnt want to wait for a reply tt will nv come,or just a cold reply..
so i guess i can only wish him here..

and secretly on fb..aghb..
Ahgong,happy birthday..


why am i so silly to want to wish tt ahgong happy birthday even when he did all those things..
why rmb his bday..when he didnt rmb mine,didnt wish me or anything..

last yr,the day aft his bday,sun..
went chomp w jean and o was working..so we dabao for her n go back office..
and jean dabao for her ec also..and we bought extra drinks,for other frens and tt ahgong also..and told him we bought extra..
asked him how he celeb..and tt ahgong said his bday he just went out for dinner..
and i still tried to ask is it w gf..and he said dont have,is w family at vivo..
and since he didnt rly seem to be v close to them,i guess tt ahgong didnt rly hv a great bday last yr..
and his fb dun hv his bday,last yr not many of his frens wished him also..

and tt day,we got to get free ride w those working late shift ppl taking taxi home..
and we shared one w tt ahgong..
tt first and only taxi ride we shared..



this yr,tt ahgong's overseas,celebrating his first bday there..
rly wish tt ahgong hv a great bday there w his frens..
thought his frens may not know when's his bday..
so i still stupidly msg tt roomie of his tt i msged bef..
and asked if he know tt ahgong's bday..
wishing tt they'll know,so they can celeb for him and let tt ahgong have a good and happy bday this yr..
even wanted to get sth and send to tt roomie and ask him to give ahgong saying is he buy de..
but so scared tt ahgong will qns,and guess shdnt rly bother his roomie so much..
feel so bad to msg his roomie,like troubling him or what..

but i guess its so silly to get sth for tt ahgong also..
so scared,his roomie might tell him or what..
from the first time i msged him,told him not to tell tt ahgong..
and he said he wont say a word..but still so scared he'll talk to tt ahgong about it..
and make me feel so dumb for doing all these..
so scared if tt ahgong know,he'll just send a msg and ask me not to do all these stupid things again..

and i guess, that ahgong will have a great bday w them..
the clique he's so close w,and tt girl,or gf i guess..
i guess that's all tt matters to him now..
and i guess everything's great for him over there now..

why so stupidly worry for him,for someone i totally shouldnt be worrying or thinking about..
someone who doesnt care about you anymore,having a happy life over there..
what can i do..i cant dont think or worry..
even when i try so hard to tell myself everytime,everyday,that he's a bad bad bad guy,that isnt worth me like tt..
but it still doesnt help at all..
nothing helps..


still went back for ot tdy..on a sunday..so dumb..
and it'll mean no off for 11 days..

and aft wk went for breadtalk's friend baby full mth tdy..
her baby was supposed to be due in early sept..
in the end,her baby,jayden came out one mth earlier..04082011..
was so surprised when she told me she gave birth le,so early..
why not one mth later,and he'll hv the same bday as tt ahgong..

and aft tt,still met sotongs for dinner at strictly pancakes..
and sotongs all got so scared of pancakes..

what a long day..
i wish evday would be like this..tiring myself out to the max..
so i can go home totally exhausted,and lie on the bed and fall aslp immediately..
so that i got no time at all,no energy at all,to think of and miss that ahgong..

but i dunno how long more i can hang on,cause it's rly rly so tiring,so draining..
sometimes,i rly feel like giving up..
but i'm more scared of the pain than the tiredness..

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