Went for F1 again this yr,w dear auntie vic..
bt everything isnt the same anymore,totally diff frm last yr..
that happiness last yr..

Tt feeling of going back office tt fri..so happy..
was on the ph the previous day w tt ahgong and trying nt to tell him was going back the nx day..
then trying to hide at one corner at office..
we all ordering koi,and order for him,bt o say his stomach nt well,so didnt give him..
waited until i was leaving then went to tap tt ahgong and said bye..didnt even talk..

And at F1,tt ahgong finished work,and asked how's fooosh foosh foosh..
saw tt msg and was smiling at those words..
at dinner,auntie vic was asking about the guy commenting on ny status..tt ahgong..
so i said a little..then aft tt when she see my ph dying and i was msging tt ahgong,still wanted give me use her ph..
ended up i used bro ph..and tt ahgong was smhw waiting for me to go hm bt kept denying..
waiting for me to go hm and talk on the ph..
tt msg tt gave him away..
'if you dont reply by 145,i'll presume u slp le and wont call le..'
it's so deeply etched inside my mind..
cux tt msg made me sillyly smiled at the ph..

Tt fri one year ago,is so diff from this year's..
tt whole F1 wkend..
as i was there watching,looking at the tracks..
the scene of us walking on the track jux came to mind,and was trying to figure out which part it was..
and tt heart pain..as those happy image popped up..

Tt F1 wkend last yr,the saturday,was exactly 3 mths to xmas..
tt day tt ahgong was at wk bt ended up sick n went to see doc..
went home and i even wanted to dabao food for him..
ended up we talked on the ph..still rmb we talked alittle bout my new house,his relative's house price also..
then tt ahgong pei me talk on the ph,all the way from home..to grandma house..
take bus,mrt..
and rmb at the bus stop,tt ahgong asked a qns i cant forget also..
asking about my best fren..and i said auntie vic and sm others..was saying the one on my dp ah..
and i asked his..bt tt ahgong said he dun rly hv alot gd frens?

at the mrt station,i heard the song for the train is coming thingy..
and i said it sounds like xmas..and realised tt day was 25th..exactly 3 mths to xmas..
so tt ahgong asked what i wanted for xmas,so early..
and was so happy,so looking forward to it,thinking what can i do for tt ahgong..
thinking tt it'll be such a great n diff xmas..
all my own wishful thinking..
ended up,it was the worst xmas i had,one i cant forget indeed,hw much pain i was in tt time.
and everytime i walk pass tt part of the mrt station,i'm always reminded by tt 'early xmas present'..

tt way he told me to repeat his hm num 5 times so i can hang up and rmb the num and call him back..
tt promise tt he wanted me to promise to talk to him again at night..
tt msg tt ahgong sent when it was late and i still didnt msg or call..
tt was the first and last time i was anxiously waiting to go hm from grandma house to talk to tt ahgong..

And this monday,one yr ago..
Ll bday party at khatib mac..
msged tt ahgong in the morn when i woke up as 'punishment'..
bt tt ahgong didnt reply the whole day,and i was so restless wondering wad happen..
end up his ph prob,got it late..
called aft wk and met him to go tgt..
tt ahgong straight away hear sth was wrg over the ph and was saying sry for nt replying,explaining..
and i jux said i wasnt angry,bt tt ahgong asked why i sounded tt way and i said jux tired..

And another colleague was w tt ahgong..and it was so awkward..
we didnt talk much bt jux exchg glances and tt ahgong jux seem to hv tt questioning expression,thinking tt sth's wrg..
those nudges..and tt sitting beside..
tt msging when we were jux beside each other..
those moments of staring..exchanging glances when others dont know anything..
sweet and happiest moments..
tt waiting and leaving tgt w me..
tt usual talking on the taxi home..
'inside the house alrdy?'..tt ahgong asked in chi in a funny way..

each and everyday,there was sth for me to rmb..
to make me happier and happier..
that's why in the end,the hurt was so deep..

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