one year ago,this sat..
we had work..jean already quitted..
but came back office to wait for us..
to go for timbre dinner..and their clubbing..

i even rmb what i wore tt sat..
tt blue dress w a zip thingy on it..
cux tt ahgong sat opp me tt day..saw and asked if tt zip is real or not..
and i said it was,still tried to show him it can be zipped..
and tt ahgong still smhw laughed n smiled..i must have looked rly silly..
cant rly rmb if it was tt sat,tt the ahgong was wearing a blue cookiemonster tshirt..
it was tt sat where tt ahgong worked half day..
tt day where he left work n we were going lunch,and were in the same lift..
when we were at R lvl,i sillyly asked them what r was,and he ans roof..

that was tt first week tt i got to know tt ahgong..

aft work tt day..
still rmb went for timbre w jean n o..
and ended up,got dragged by them to butterfac..
and think tt day,i drank super alot,should be the most i had..
until abit blur blur and dizzy..crazy day..


and i rmb,jean got emo becux tt time she jux broke up w her bf..
hers was ldr..they just gt tgt and he had to fly off..but for like 3 mths only..
and they broke only when he came back..even though throughout the whole time he was there,jean emo-ed lots of time becux of so many things tt happened..
and i always had to talk to her..ask her to hang on and bear w it..
telling her since its ldr,sure more xinku..
she bear w it all the way until he was back,and they ended things..

i saw how jean was always so sad tt time,how she broke down so many times,and also at butterfac..
and all i could do was just pei her,talk to her,try to comfort her..
i nv rly got in a position like hw she was..always so emo about her rs..
and then crying so badly..
i nv rly had tt bad an experience bef..


but bec of tt ahgong,i got to realise how bad it feels..so much more bad.
and jean knew how much more bad mine was..
cux when it was 'my turn'..
she told me she undstd hw much more pain it must feel..
and i feel so silly infront of them..
one moment,they saw how happy i rly rly was..
one moment,they all thought and saw tt ahgong as a gd guy..
and i can nv forget jean saying,'can see tt he zai hu ni..'
but i guess all wasnt true..

bec the nx moment,everything went topsy turvy..

and she couldnt do much,but jux pei me also..
pei me all the way..
up until when rox wanted to call and talk to me..
pei me conference call w her..
if nt i rly wouldnt hv wanted to talk to her..





and i rmb..tt sat..
u msged first again..and gave in to me yet again..
u didnt have to give in at all..
all the other times,u rly didnt have to give in at all..

i know,all along..
u've always been bothered by the fact tt i'm always not the one tt msg first..
that i always dont tk initiative..tt i dont care enough..
not just to you,but towards other friends also isnt it..
i'll just say,i chose nt to msg first..
bec i know you'll always msg first in the end..
smtimes you'll wait and see if i'll msg,but in the end,you'll still give in and msg first..

the other time,when i was saying about stepping over the line,bec of chatting w someone till morn..i rmb u posted sth..
i can only say,it was bec smtimes,or alot times,it feels like it was going over the line..
and the only thing i thought i could do..was to not msg first..
i know you'll just say friends ah..not stepping over..
but tt was how i thought things can and should be done..and continue like this..

but i guess,all along,it always bothered you..

aft all these,isnt it clear,that it's not worth it..
i'm not worth for you being so nice to..i dont deserve it..
just let me be,just let me be..
everytime u turn back,just makes me feel so bad..
bec each time u turn back,and end up sth unhappy happens again..
then it'll make feel and look so bad all over again..
i'm not a good friend..i'm not worth it..
u deserve other better friends..


it's just like how i cant face olivia,now..
she didnt do anything wrong also..instead,she helped me alot alot..
and i shd rly be thankful to her..
if not for her,i wouldnt have had the best time of my life..
if not for her,i wouldnt have had so much great memories w tt ahgong..
if not for her,there wouldnt have been ahgong and ahpoh..


you helped me alot too,esp through tt period of crazy time..
i know the things u did,bt didnt want me to know..
both you and tt ahgong spoke to auntie vic,and didnt want me to know..
i dont know what exactly you all talked about..but i know you wanted to help me..

i didnt say anything,doesnt mean tt i dont know,dont care..
doesnt mean tt i'm nt thankful..

but i guess,in your eyes,tt's how i am,and i'm the worst friend one can have..
doesnt matter..i know how bad i am..

tt's why i always say,you're too nice,and i rly dont deserve it..
and time aft time,i always try to run away and put us in those unhappy situation..
but time aft time,you still come back and apologise,tell me hw sry u are..
and end up just make me feel so bad..

you said bef trust has to be earned..
asked me if rox had earned any trust,for me to believe her crazy story..

it's the same,i didnt do anything,i didnt earn anything,i rly dont deserve it..
other ppl definitely deserve it more than i do..
i guess you'll definitely be better off..

i'm sorry for being such a lousy friend..
and thank you for all the things you've done..


i dont just rmb things about tt ahgong..
just like you all think,tt i keep on just rmbering only about stuff about tt ahgong..
why think of it,why rmb..so stupid of me..
it's just that i rmb,i clearly rmb..
i dont think of it,its just there..in the head..all the images,flashbacks..
it's not tt easy to forget at all..
if i can even rmb other stuff not related to tt ahgong..
then those related to tt ahong,must be even more significant to me..
and even harder to forget..



"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met."

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