kept thinking bef i go back to office,shd i msg o to tell her how i felt or not..
couldnt decide what to say to her..to say sorry or what..
to tell her sorry,bec tt last time she conference call w jean n rox..
and i guess it was a v bad call,and jean was rly bad toking to her..
felt so bad for ignoring her calls and everything bef tt..
and when jean made me hang up,saying she want to talk alone w rox..
i didnt know she will call o,and 3 of them conf call..
i didnt know jean would talk so badly to her or what..

if i knew,i wouldnt have hanged up..cux it just make it like i owe o so much more..
and make me feel even more sry towards her..
when i think she didnt rly do anything wrong..but they all blame her..
like i always thought,if nt for o,i wouldnt hv had so much great memories w tt ahgong..

so instead of being angry w her or wad,i'm rly v thankful to her..
not that i wanted to ignore her tt period of time..
i was just so sianx of it,i didnt know how to face her,how to talk to her..
cause everytime she talked,she always had tt questioning tone or smhw sacarstic tone there,always questioning my faith,trust in tt ahgong..
and it felt rly bad..

even though i know they shd be right,since they all see tt ahgong in office..
but i just hated it,i just hate how they all saw tt ahgong..
tt ahgong tt they saw was totally different,totally changed..
totally not tt ahgong tt i got to know..
so i hated it soooo much..
tt they smhw didnt believe me,didnt believed tt the ahgong i knew tt time wasnt so bad,wasnt like tt..
they all saw the him bef tt,all thought he was nice,then why shdnt they question the change in him..
but instead just accepted it straight tt he's like tt..he's always been like tt..

yes,i guess they'll all say,people change..
such a drastic change in such a short time is just too crazy..
i have no ans why tt ahgong changed so much in such a short time..
so the only thing i could do was to hold on to the trust i had in him tt time,to believe..and like auntie vic said,maybe he did change,but his 'ben xing' is not bad..
but i guess they all thought it was stupid,dumb..
the truth is alrdy right infront,why still dun believe..why so stupid..tts wad o thought..

in the end,i just didnt msg o,thought it would be better to leave it like this..
and maybe i wont see her also..

but,from the first day i stepped back into office..
i was so scared of seeing o..
and the first day itself,she have to see me..
and still came to look for me..
she pat me,and i turned and saw her..
was so stunned and awkward..
and didnt rly know what to do..just smiled like norm..
been so long since i last see her like this,face to face..

and the first thing she said was..
'ni hai hao ma..'
and of course,i'll ans,i'm good ah..why not good..
what else can i ans..
and she asked why i came back etc..
so awkward..
the nx day she walked by where we were sitting again..
and i saw her again,and she still pat me on my head..
like she know i'm still not ok..
like last time..hw she'll 'comfort' me..

aft tt,always tried to avoid..dont rly want to see her,face her..
she's sitting at the other side,and we always go to the back and sit..

but today,we got chased by tls to move over there..
and no choice,was like sitting one row infront of her..
super awkwardness..
esp when mervin's sitting there also,he mux wonder why we arent sitting tgt,arent as close as last time,nv even tok..

so jux randomly sit at a table..
and then,this guy came later and sat beside..

after awhile..he started talking..i also duno how we started to talk..
i think he asked if we just started work or sth..
talked quite alot,till like we knew each other for v long..
and still helped me w stuff and disputive cust..
and then break he'll nap and still ask me to wake him up..
fren came over and still asked if he was my ex-colleague..say we talk until like so close frens..

the thing is..he smhw looks like tt ahgong..
tt shade of brown hair..tt fringe..
tt look..tt face he makes when he smiles,when we all were laughing bout sth..
the way he talks..his character..abit diff..isnt as tall..
he isnt as stressed and serious as tt ahgong always was..
but they look so similar..

i rly hate this..
is god playing w me..why let me meet someone tt look like tt ahgong and put me through this torture..
everyday i'm trying so hard to not think of tt ahgong as his bday's coming..
and tt day is coming..
and the pain increases each n everyday..
now i have to be reminded of tt ahgong everyday when i see this guy in office..

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