it's the 2nd of august..
2nd day of the mth..

national day is coming soon..
rmb last yr,had work on tt day..
and it was fun..
cux there were super few calls,and we were rly sitting ard lazing..
seldom had no calls to pick up,tt was like one of the vvv few days..
and it was a ph,so x2 pay..
and aft past few yrs of trying to go down n catch those fireworks..
squeezing w crazy crowds..
last yr,aft work,just went over to kengx place n see those fireworks..
used to be able to see from old house..but not now..
guess,no fireworks this yr..


first it was tt ahgong tt seemed to be 'responding' to my statuses last mth,so coincidental again..
him posting,'take a step back and look.is this the ans?'
and then 'find what you are looking for and may it be great..'
then it was olivia..

it isnt just once..
the other time i posted..
'people don't really change. we like to believe they do, but they don't.'
and she posted soon aft..
'Ppl really do change we choose to believe they dun....or they have been this way,we choose not to believe..'

i guess she must know i'm smhw saying tt ahgong..
and she posted tt..then she must still think tt ahgong isnt a gd person..
if she rly felt tt way,then i rly dont undstd why would she go and comment and posted sth on tt ahgong's wall,asking when is he coming back..
why would someone care and ask a 'bad person' when is he coming back..
it's so weird..

then i posted..
‎"Faith..is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted,despite your changing moods.."
and she posted super fast,again like within half an hr..
"Have Faith.... (:"

what am i supposed to think..
to think tt it's just a coincident..so similar stuff..
how am i supposed to do it,time aft time..
not just her,but tt ahgong also..

she should know tt up till now,things i post are still related to tt ahgong smhw..
why ask me to have faith..
when tt faith i was refering to was tt faith for tt ahgong..
tt faith we shared..
tt faith tt i dunno if it ever existed..but i rly wished it did..
why ask my to have faith in someone she think isnt a good guy..
i rly rly dun undstd..
maybe the faith she's referring to is saying about having faith in life..?
i dunno..
at tt point in time,i rly had an urge to msg and ask her what was she doing..


aft smtime,she posted..
'For all my gfs: love is like holding one stalk of rose in our hands, hold it too tightly you will crush it, hold it too loosely you might drop it. If you feel is tiring holding it then let it go, else treasure what's on your palm now... For love is never everlasting (;
P.S how you wanna hold it is yours to make ignore what others have said'

the last sentence..how u wanna hold it is yours to make,ignore what others have said..
is it so easy to ignore what others have said..
like what she told me of him,what rox told me..
is it so easy as how she said it..
why say sth like tt,when she know,how it's quite impossible..
unless only,if what they all said,are lies..


and now..
i just posted only..
'如果每次都握不住自己想要的幸福，那剩下仅能做的就是紧紧守住那​些珍贵，美好的回忆。因为，回忆会是永恒的，而现在的我们也只能​从它得到真正的微笑。'

and she posted again..
'To love some one you have to love his weakness as well....'
'how could one 4get love in secs,mins,hours even days or months.... only true love takes time to heal... to recover....'

tell me,she's not 'telling' me all these after all these coincidences..
why would she say its true love,when in everybody's eyes,it shouldnt be..
he was just a big baddie,why would there be any true love..
esp for olivia,who shd have seen everything he did,the good and bad..
then it shouldnt be true love at all,cux one wasnt true,he wasnt..

what is she trying to do..
i guess maybe she's trying to be nice,'comforting' me smhw..
but tt wasnt how she was tt time..
she was scolding me tt time,was so angry,not happy w wad i was doing,saying why am i so stupid,etc..

she's just making me feel even more bad..
was talking to auntie vic tt day,whether or not i shd tok to her,say sry or wad..
it feels so bad to be like stucked in the middle..
jean and shir,both rly hate her,nv want to tok to her anymore..
and when i told shir bout wad o posted,she just told me to delete her n ignore her..
i know i nv was rly angry w olivia,all along,i just slowly rly didnt know hw to face her,got so scared of hw she talked to me,and questioned me bout tt ahgong..
just chose to 'escape' from her smhw,rly dunno hw to face her and talk to her..

i miss those times we went out tgt,it was nice,she's fun,caring..
just tt maybe when she's unhappy or wad,her attitude may nt be v gd..
but we got used to it,bec we know tts her..and she's rly ok..
even as much as i wish things can go back to last time..
i guess i rly dun have the courage to face her and talk to her..
and i guess things will nv be the same anymore..
the awkwardness will always be there..
esp wad am i supposed to say about why jean n shir are ignoring her..
its so difficult..
and i know it's impossible to ask jean n shir to 'be friends' w her again..

and ended up,we thought,maybe leaving things as it is now,is the best way..
maybe i should just cont being a bad guy smhw..
and carry cont to carry tt bad feeling,tt guilt w me..
hoping tt smday it'll go away..




'如果每次都握不住自己想要的幸福，那剩下仅能做的就是紧紧守住那​些珍贵，美好的回忆。因为，回忆会是永恒的，而现在的我们也只能​从它得到真正的微笑。'


这不是第一次。也不是的二次。
已经一次又一次的发生，多得我真的害怕了，害怕到不敢去回想，到底发生过几次。
我真的害怕了。
那种，已经得到了，然后下一秒就失去了的感觉，已快变得如此熟悉，也已变得如此麻木。
不管我们如何紧紧的握住，守住，那幸福还是会溜走，溜得远远地。
就好像空气一样，不管你用什么方法，怎样也握不牢。

幸福，到底是什么东西，为什么那么折磨人，为什么能让人痛彻心扉。
为什么，对有些人，却又是如此的简单，轻而易举。
我想，我所有的勇气已彻彻底底地用尽，我也不敢在奢望，期盼着拥有幸福。
因为，幸福真的太难捉摸了。


我唯一能做的是，紧紧守住那些珍贵，美好，真实的回忆。
因为，回忆会是永恒的，而现在的我们也只能​从它得到真正的微笑。
微笑，才能给予我们力量，抚平我们那丑陋的伤疤，便更勇敢地继续我们的人生旅途。
微笑，才能迎来更美好的明天。
微笑，才能对得起自己。


微笑，因为，那阿公还说过。。
不要我不开心，要我永远的开心。。

微笑，因为，他曾叫我。。
笑一个吗。。

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