bro's finally coming back tml from cambodia from his sch trip tml,or rather later..
and he'll just be in time to watch the f1 race tml too..
glutton still brought lipton tea,milo,tibits,over when he's just there for 5 days..
feels so weird tt's he's not home..
and mum's cooking lesser cause without our 'vacum cleaner' to eat all the food leftover,so much will be wasted..


dad bought supper back..white carrot cake..
and the last time i ate white carrot cake was with tt ahgong..
like black one better,seldom eat white de..
and as i was eating,rly trying so hard to not think,could feel those tears..
just cant help but rmb..

the last time i ate it with that ahgong at chomp tt night..
while tt ahgong was talking to o on the ph,i went to help him order his hokkien mee..rojak..our drinks..
when we were msging before meeting up..
rmb he msged saying he'll treat ok,w a smiley face..
cause i was like waiting for him to be done,and it was late..
but i quickly paid bef the food came..
then tt ahgong wanted carrot cake..asked black or white..
and i said anything..and then he ordered white de..
so i know tt ahgong liked white carrot cake,not black de..
and tt was the last time i eat white carrot cake..happily w tt ahgong..and i still fed him those prawns..

i rly hate eating those things i ate bef w tt ahgong..
brings back so much memories,so much pain somehow..
so pathetic,eating until feel like crying..
i used to always like to eat the fish soup noodles opp my house..
norm always have it for dinner if nv go out during wkends and mum dun cook..
the last time i had it was tt dinner i had at home bef going out to meet tt ahgong on our first day..
and i rmb i was watching tv,happily eating it,and then dad was going to go out le..
asking when i going out and still told me mm lee wife,kwa geok choo,passed away..
and i rmb i was shocked and asked dad how he know..
now,during wkends when we need pack dinner,and there's nth much to eat,i'd rather don't eat..and i'll never eat tt fish soup noodle..
till one day when the pain goes away,maybe..


just now went for lunch date w kengx and jy,without beets,who should be happily in rome now..touring around..
havent been out alot for the past few mths..and feels abit weird..
and tcc had this little booklet thing..w tarot readings..
so we tried it out..
don't know if it's accurate or not..
but really hope it is..

aft lunch,walked ard ion w kengx..
and walked pass tt coffee bean we were at out first time out..
was going to go down the escalator..
and cant help but kept staring and turn back and look at the shop..
trying to spot the table we sat at..
the spot where we were so happy..
where tt ahgong and ahpoh was at,talking..
and where tt scheming ahgong was secretly taking so many pic of tt ahpoh..
trying to show he was using his ph doing other things when he was taking pics..
and aft being 'discovered'..
tt ahgong was happily sliding through showing me the pics and 'showing off'..
the spot where tt ahgong pose for me to take pics of him..
showing those funny faces..tt shuai face..tt ahgong..


aunt was telling me just now about the show we're watching..bones..
sth tt guy said in the show..to the girl..
saying no matter how many woman a guy have in his life,he'll always go back to his first..
and i thought,of tt ahgong..him going back to his first??
seems not possible,when it wasnt rly true from the beginning..
but which of his is true anyway,i rly dunno..maybe cindy's the only one?i dunno..
i dun even noe if tt ahpoh was true,whether did she rly existed..

and i thought does it apply to girls as well..tt we go back to our first?
my first cant rly be considered first..and the other didnt seem like it also..
and i thought tt ahgong should be the 'first love' somehow..
the sweetest and best period of my life..
and because of how long i'm taking to recover,how serious we were,or maybe just me,how hurt i was,in such a short time..
but its not up to me to decide..
saying i want to go back means i can go back to tt ahgong straight..?no..
it wont happen like this..and i would seem so stupid to do so..



'Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew..'

that's how hard it is..

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