"Have you ever been angry or sad,to the point where you just break down at home, in your room?
Your parents don’t know because you keep the tears to yourself,and you cry silently.
Your friends don’t know because you talk as if you’re fine and dandy behind the computer screen.
Well you’re not fine and dandy, and you know it.
No one really knows how you feel,and they have their own lives to deal with,so you don’t bother telling them,you bottle it up, and store it with the other problems or troubles. "


"We’re so good at fooling people.
We’re great at acting like we’re okay,that we haven’t a single worry in the world.
We have a smile that we’ve practiced over and over…
so many times that we don’t even remember what our real smile looks like.
Sometimes I wonder if we’ve fooled ourselves, too.
Maybe we can convince ourselves that we’re “fine.”
Maybe after repeating that word constantly,like a broken record, we come to believe it.
Maybe the pain was never really there…maybe it’s normal to feel empty.
But then, maybe we’re wrong. "


Saw these quotes all from some website..
and how reflective and true it all seems to be..
i guess i getting used to that smile i've practiced over and over..
trying so hard to force it out for the past few months..
that's why its getting easier and easier..
that's why it now seems like that old smile..

but deep inside,no one can see,no one know how it feels like..
that inside..it's still so bruised..still hurting so much..
we're so used to it,we may not just have fooled ourself,but also people around us..
they all think that it's been soooo long,time would have done all the work..

but what can time do..
it just continue to pass,even if we just stood still at that same spot..
it just wouldnt wait for us..
wouldnt let me go back to that place i'd love to be..
wouldnt let me,let us undo the mistake..
wouldnt let us go back..
back to where that ah gong and ah poh can rly decide tgt to walk this long journey together..
and not stucked right here..when we want so much to move on..but is finding so hard to move on..
without that ah gong standing by that ah poh..

if time cant stop and its still moving on..
why at that point in time,where the 4 yrs barrier became our first worry,first obstacle..
why didnt time pass faster..to 4 years later..
even letting us take a peek will do,and we'll know what will happen..

will that ah gong have done what he said..
if we were both single..he'll come aft tt ah poh..
and i know if it happens,that ah poh will say yes..
will still want to be that ah gong's ah poh..even 4 years later..
will we have waited together,secretly..
will we still be keeping each other in our hearts without saying out,without the other knowing..
and be tgt 4 years later..
because fate let us meet in such a way,at such a wrong time..
and i thought this could have been our first obstacle..

auntie vic said before..after he decided not to try anymore..
she told me to lock that ah gong deep inside my heart..and then 4 years later,then let him out..
she even said she have a feeling that the ah gong will come back 4 years later,and we'll be tgt..
she believed in him so much too..
but why did such a crazy thing have to happen..

when i really want to lock that ah gong inside my heart..
when i really want to wait for that ah gong..
when i really want to lock my heart for that ah gong..
when i really want that ah gong,beacause that ah poh thought he was worth it..

why did all these have to happen..
i guess that ah gong must hate that ah poh that's why he could do all these..


i really wonder is it because i'm such a silly girl..
that's why i'm taking so long..that's why its hurting me so much..

or is it because...
what happened was really too crazy...even others couldnt believe..cant imagine..
so crazy until no one knows how painful it is..
no one have gone through something so crazy,so silly like this before..?

i guess its both..
i'm really a silly girl..to still like that ah gong..think of him..
and i guess others see me that way too..esp tt time when they saw my screen saver..

what happened was so crazy i couldnt even explain to myself what exactly happened..
and find it so hard to believe that such a ridiculous thing actually happened..
really cannot believe..
i have no answer to all those questions..
i cant answer myself..


and that ah gong would not even do that..to come and tell that ah poh..before he leaves..
won't even see that ah poh one more time..before he leaves..


i just don't know why such a thing have to happen to that ah poh..
when she just simply like that ah gong..and want to be with him..
why must the world be such a complicated one..

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