fri.
belated bday celeb w sotongs.
celeb at raffles city,skinny pizza.
and then went to esplanade sky garden..
and ahma was trying so hard to entertain me..
to make me laugh..talking and crapping on and on..
trying to act and talk in that filipino accent..
crapping and crapping..and end up laughing at her own jokes..
i guess i was entertaining her too..putting on that smile,i'm so used to of already..

havent been out alot these few mths..
and the last time i was at raffles city was with that ah gong..
fri was 21st jan.4 mths ago..tt same day..we were there..
tt late night out..where frens left the 2 of us..

was on the sky garden and looked at the night view..and all came back,again..
was staring at that place..
saw fullerton hotel where we went in to their toilet tt night..
and then going to that stairs place tt we sat..
and we just sat at the stairs by the river..heart to heart talk..
how he was asking no guys in my sch,no one jio meh..still showing me his fren's pic asking if shuai anot..
tt day where both of us were walking so much,on tt empty streets,places i've nv walked..
finding our way out of the f1 fencing..
and tt taxi ride home..

tt unforgettable night..

at the esplanade..
tt f1 day..
tt day where auntie vic was asking if i had sth w him..bec of those fb msges..and i just told her happily..
i still rmb was outside there watching the f1..
then he suddenly msged..in a funny way..and i was smiling again..
asking how was woossh woosh,or wad?
some sound..he came up with..for the f1...
and i was asking wads tt..becux it didnt sound like tt sound frm f1..
we were msging so happily..and my ph ran out of batt..

auntie vic saw how i was anxiously replying him..wanted me to use her ph..
end up i was using bro's ph to msg him..
and i was asking why still dun go slp and stuff..
and him still saying wasnt waiting for me to go home and talk on ph..but he was..
because of those delayed msges tt he gt..
'if u dont reply by 1.45 i'll presume u slp le..and won't call le..'
aft i saw tt msg..i was smiling..
and he just happened to get my msg..and that ah gong called in immediately..
still say not waiting..
hw we were talking on ph..
how because i went back to office..but only tapped him when leaving..
then he said aft tt he was looking for me..bt couldnt find me,didn't know i left le..
nagging me..still said next time go back,have to sit beside him..
and i never got to go back again..never got to sit beside him...


everything,all the things he said,all the things we talked about,all the things we did..
just came back into my mind..it was all supposed to be so happy..
really happy..and simple..
and as i think of it,and thinking of wads happening now,why is it so bad now,i can feel those tears inside..
why is it like that now..
i really don't know..

wasnt that ah gong happy also..

how i wish we can just go back in time..
and i would never have let go of that ah gong..never have said bye to him..never have left tt bus stop..


was reading sotongs bday msges..was so scared of reading..because i know..those tears..
and almost all of them was saying how they know 2010 wasnt a good year for me..and wishing tt 2011 will be a good one..
saying how i'm nice and sure will find someone else better de..

in the beginning,when we got tgt,i was so happy..and i just told auntie vic..
bec tt ah gong was saying dun let others know first..
and how we were laughing at how we were faster than the other 'couple' in the office,who had sth long bef us..they are now still so happy,but what happened between us..they all didn't know..i guess that her also didn't know what exactly happened..

and when i asked tt ah gong to think again..
i was so scared..didnt rly want to tell others..so scared that i'll just look so dumb,because it might just end..

but the other sotongs just happened to got to know of it..
when at the barrage outing..sotong sy was using my ph,and when she used finish was about to return me..
then she saw that screen saver that the ah gong set for me..
that pic of him that he know i like so much..that mi mi yan face..
that pic that i was always using to ask him to cheer up..how cute i said he looked..

she saw tt pic and was shocked,asking who is it..and the other sotongs gt so excited and wanted to see too..
i said it was my bro..but they said dont look like..
so..i just told them about us..
how we actually gt tgt bt then somehow we're still considering it again..
bec of him going overseas..
they asked about his name..and i told them..
and they were laughing..saying prince william..

they asked and asked alot questions..how i got to know him,doing what,etc..
they were surprised,shocked..
they heard about the stuff he did, how serious he was thinking...
they were so happy for me,too...
they saw how happy i was..
even when they know we're thinking..

they also said it'll be ok,it'll be fine de..
they also wanted to see him,when we settle it..

but why now..

and now i'm like a silly girl infront of all my friends that know of it..
why did i get into such a complicated one like this..and be hurt like that..


when that ah gong got to be the most impt to that silly ah poh,the one she liked most,the one her heart was captured so well,in such a short time..


compared to the past ones..
not all sotongs know about what happened the other time..
if not,i guess i'll seem even more silly to them..
why always so silly,complicated and turn up like this..

when it's always so simple,easy and happy for others..
why is it so hard for me..


it's like everyone is telling the same things..
and i guess i'm scared of hearing tt i'm nice..shouldnt have been so nice..
what was the point of being nice...when all these have to happen to me..
'because i'm too kind..not one u know u can be with..'??
i wonder and wonder..
first u asked me to believe all those u told auntie vic..
then,u said u told auntie vic tt because u just didnt want her to ask anymore..
wad was i supposed to believe..

i belived the second..
because i thought u wouldnt not have come up with that when u could have just left me with tt first explaination..
why tell me the second if that's not the truth..when u already wanted to deliberately hurt me..
why deliberately hurt me..want me to forget u..still ask auntie vic to take care of me..
what were u thinking..u did tt because u just felt bad??

i just dont understand..
what made u do all these..how can that ah gong..

is that ah poh totally gone from his world already??
but why tt status..glad both of us....??
u still bother..tt ah poh is still not yet totally gone..

but how can u do it..
even when it all seems like it's over already..

but i wonder and wonder again..
if u chose her..u would have thought alot through it..
thinking that she's the one..the one u can take the risk with..
the one u want to pei u walk this journey with...even when tt ah poh had said so much..
u chose her..even when it makes u like a bad guy..

that means u were rly serious that u thought it would work out..
then why end..
why didnt u all cont..if tt ah gong thinks that she's the one..
then why didnt he cont and work it out with her..

was it because inside that ah gong..
there was guilt..that made him felt bad..
or is there still a portion of that ah poh that's there..
or what wrong did she do..

i don't know..




sat.
had early reunion dinner..
since not going hols this yr,grandma going back msia to visit relatives and celeb cny w them..

how much i wanted that ah gong to be here..
having reunion dinner w my family..enjoying w us..

and rmb tt sat he was sick..where i msged to check on him..asking if he got anyhow eat oily stuff..
tt sat where he was sick bt still pei me talk so long on ph on my way to grandma house..
how he was telling me to call him back on his house ph..
telling me his house num..teaching me how to rmb it..
by asking me to repeat the num 5 times..and i was laughing at it..
and he was trying to say it out..telling me to follow..
then i'll be able to rmb le..
how when i had to hang up le..telling me to promise him to talk to him again at night..
how he was waiting and msged..see if i was home already..
how i was anxious to go home too..for the first time..
how i was really happy..
how i got home and we talked..


how much i wished that i could call him,talk to him..when i'm back home..
how much i wished that he was waiting for me to get home..and will msg me..

i really miss it so much..


he said he had 2 cny celeb w his first gf,w her family..
and i was wondering how many could we have tgt..
why must it be none...

he was with her,a girl he didnt like..bt tried to like..for so long..
and how he said he felt family warmth and was more happy w her family than his own..
that's why tt ah poh wanted so much to let him enjoy tt too..

but tt ahpoh seems even more pathetic than tt her..
why..
when we really liked each other..

so ironic,but how it seems like maybe it wasnt true for him..

if tt ah gong really liked that ah poh..
how could he have done all these..so cruel,and walked away from that ah poh like that..
when he said he'll stand by that ah poh!
asking others to take care of her..because he want to be w her??


and up till now,still have not said anything,explain..


if tt ah gong really liked that ah poh..
how could feelings have changed so fast,so easily..

if tt ah gong really liked that ah poh..
why did he hurt her like tt..when he said he wanted her to be happy forever..
would like to make her happy,when she's angry..

why.

tt ah gong posted saying want to go for blood donation..asking if anyone wants to go..
tt first time i donated..tt ah gong was asking about it,at his house..and i even show him the video my fren took..

how much i wished we could go for a blood donation tgt..
how much i wanted to ask if we could go tgt..
but i guess he'll just ignore me..
forever.

his statuses..
is he regretting of that..
must he put me through it again..

or is it other stuff..i hope..

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