Today's 2nd March 2014.. We could have celebrated our 41th month.. It has been 3 years and 5 months since 02102010...

It is already March 2014.. Since that ahgong left in February 2011, it has been 3 years already.. And 3 years of his university life has gone by.. Entering the final year, the extra year he wanted to, the 4th and final year.. The decision he made, to further study physiotherapy and i said i will support him as long as its what he wanted.. But i don't know if he's still doing that now..

4 years; That period we talked about, saying it's so long, and we wont know what will happen.. But now, it is almost over.. Just awhile more, and this 'voluntary wait' will be over.. And i cant even be sure of what will happen, and in my heart i keep asking myself what will happen to me if nothing comes out of this silly wait.. I cannot wait for the end to faster come but yet i'm so afraid of that day coming because i cant be sure of what will happen.. So afraid that nothing will happen, and i'll just continue to live on like how i've lived on for the past 3 years, thinking and thinking of that ahgong, the day he come back.. Although, now thinking 3 years havent been very long and past so quickly, but it felt like sooo much had happened.. And throughout this period, there are times i tell myself, maybe its time to let go now.. But it never happened, and i still cannot let go of that ahgong, even after that Melbourne/fb incident last year... My thoughts never got less even after he his unfriend.. I'll still think of that ahgong, he's still like a pushing force for me.. And every time i watch drama, those touching scenes always makes me tear, somehow not totally because they are super touching, but because they all remind me of that ahgong, and those thing he did like in those dramas... And in those dramas, its always a happy ending...Will mine be...

I've been patiently waiting, with faith... Believing that the day i've always waited for will come..

Work have been tiring,stressful at times especially during the peak festive seasons, and sometimes work gets mundane as well as i cannot find true meaning in the job.. Always thought of having a more meaningful job.. Every time i feel so dreadful, tired of work, tired of getting up for work, that ahgong is my motivation...

Everyday i tell myself, when i get up, and am done with one day of work, it means that I'm one day closer to that long awaited day....One day closer...

And my old itouch lock screen wallpaper i didnt change, it was that first picture of us that we took together.. Sometimes at work, when i get so tired, i'll just secretly stare at it...

Even as i'm writing this now, i feel so silly that everything i'm doing is all my own wishful thinking, so 'yi xiang qing yuan' and that nothing might come out of it.. And that why am i living like this thinking of that ahgong like that, when that ahgong is living his life and never will think of me like how i think of him and wonder how is he doing..

But, i just cant let go yet, hoping that when that day comes, that ahgong will see all these, he'll be touched and see that i've been standing there at that same spot since the day he left...

Like what he said before 'I'll stand by you...'..
Even though he didnt, but i'm the one doing it, standing by him secretly...
Hoping that no matter what he do, and when there's no one there for him or support him, or understand him.. I want to and will be that only person to support him no matter what, secretly...

Sometimes, those words 'I'll stand by you' still gives me comfort and strength, cause i believed he said it and meant it and those should not have been lies..

I'll stand by you...
After today, one day closer; Just one more year to go..

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