That answer i've waited for so long to get..
i finally got part of it unexpectedly on this aussie trip..
that answer i thought i would never get...

I still rmb,it was one day before that ahgong first left for melb, that the girl msged me...
and told me all those shocking bad thing about that ahgong, telling me so as to help me see that ahgong's true colours and help me to move on supposedly...

those thing she said i can never forget, it was so scary, so unbelievable, so dramatic.....
i rmb that time i was almost in total denial, almost couldnt believe it was true...
it was like a joke....
because that ahgong she saw and that ahgong i saw, were totally opposites, like 2 different person...
what happened to her didnt happened to me..how that ahgong treated her so badly..

and it was hard to believe that that ahgong could change and become so different and scary so quickly...

it was so pain to hear all those about what that ahgong did..
because i couldnt believe or accept that ahgong was someone like that...could actually do all those..
i know that ahgong always said he wasnt a good guy..
i know maybe in the past he hadnt been a 'good guy'..but i rly didnt care..
because i saw how he was like, when we were tgt, the times we spent tgt..
he wasnt bad at all..and he could be a 'good guy'...
if he could be 'good'..wanted to be 'good'...

then why did he have to become so bad....why rly go be a bad guy he always say he is..
so xin tong that he have to be like that...and be like a player..
why make urself like that...
when you can be so good.....

even friends didnt believe the girl's story, because it sounded too 'crazy', too 'drama'....
i can never forget how much auntie vic believed in him, saying he cant be like this..
trusting him so much even when she didnt know him v well...and she believed him all the way up till i told her the truth...
just a phone call and she believed him so much...
but the truth...

but i said, somehow, it all sounded quite real after much thought, it can be real...
some things she said was correct i know..so i somehow believed her story in the end...
but bec frens say her words cant be believed..told me things she did in the past etc..
so i always had my doubts and the attitude of part believe and part questioning..

but even though the 'percentage' of believing what she said was higher than not believing...


i always still had that hope inside, wishing and wishing that all those cant be true.......
holding on tightly to that little possibility that all those cant be true...
wishing that that ahgong isnt like what she said...cant be like what she said....
it was so scary....



The day i always dreamt of happened when i went for hols in melb...
i decided to go for hols in aust because i never thought i would meet that ahgong like that..
never thought he would msg and going for lunch tgt just like that..
i never thought that ahgong would talk to me again..until the day i gave up..
never never never dreamt of it..

i thought even if we were to meet, that ahgong would still be as hostile..to make me give up..
yes,even though i very much want to see that ahgong, i never thought it would be like that..
i thought, maybe if i could just see that ahgong on the streets, just me seeing him is enough, i dont even want him to see me,see how i am now, how whether i've changed after so long..

just me seeing him is enough...
but...
it was more than what i hoped for..
and it felt so surreal..cant believe it actually happened..

it was that day after the day trip to the great ocean road...
that day trip where i kept thinking of tt ahgong, bec that cover pic of his is taken at the great ocean road..and those caption he put..i dont know who was he referring to..
but..i still kept thinking of him,if only he was there..

was having dinner, and suddenly saw a fb notification on my phone..
it was a fb msg..and the name was so 'unfamiliar' somehow....
that ahgong's name, william, and the msg he sent popped up on my ph..
it was so 'weird' to see it...
and so much images of the past just went through my mind..
and it was like my heart stopped for one sec..
i was rly stunned, scared..and my heart was beating so quickly...
stunned,i didnt even know how to react, and act infront of my fren..
dont know what to say...

that ahgong's msged..
halo........ i see that you are in melb........ LOL
kk la talk if u want to hahah... hope the weather's treating u well 

we havent talked for 2 yrs+..and suddenly that msg,in that 'friendly' tone..
it was like that ahgong was talking to a gd fren or a fren he always talk to..
like so weird to be talking to me like that...

when the last time he seriously spoke to me over the phone was in that scary dao tone i cant forget...up till now i still feel it was so 'scary'..even though i knew he somehow 'faked' it..
it was the first and only time i saw that 'scary' side of that ahgong...
and the side that i dont want to see..

and i always thought if we were to talk again, he would still be talking using that hostile, scary tone..
because he just wanted to cut me deep,make me forget him and move on...
that was one of the reasons i never rly want to talk to him again, and since he said tt time we shdnt rly keep in contact or wad...


And so,we met up in melbourne the next day...
when we 'got tgt' that time..
i've thought how it'll be like, how nice it would be to go visit that ahgong in melb..
and maybe watch the F1 tgt..
but it didnt get to happen...

but this time i was able to go over for hols and watched the F1,on my own..
and i rly never expected to be meeting that ahgong on this trip like that...

i thought n thought if i should meet him, so scared yet i wanted to see him so much, wanted to see what he had to say..
and i know i'll regret if i didnt go..and i somehow wanted to show him that i'm more 'brave' then before..not like in the past,where i wouldnt dare even picking up those calls...

it was rly crazy and scary after i decided and confirmed to meet up..
and on the day itself, i was rly rly rly scared...dont know how it'll be like...what to say...
scared of hearing things i dont want to hear..and i told vic i was so scared he'll just bring a gf with him to show me...
the whole morning, i was super no mood...xing bu zai yan..
and i even thought whether or not to cancel the meeting..

and so we were to meet at flinders station...
i msged to say i'll be late and tt ahgong msged and say to call or sth when i reach..
smsing and not whatsapp...
those msging reminded me of those days where i was still using my pok phone,and we sms instead of whatsapp like everyone else..
and that ahgong's pic would always pop up that time on my old phone when the msg came..
and now seeing that ahgong's name appearing on my phone, 'William Ah Gong (starhub)' felt so weird..so not real...
esp when picking up those calls..i still have that pic set..
all those memories of talking on the phone all just came back...
and now, i will never hesitate to pick up..

so i walked around nervously to look for that ahgong..
then, saw that ahgong was at a corner, sitting down...
that moment i saw that ahgong, it was somehow so scary, but somehow it felt 'familiar'...
i dont know how to describe, but when i saw him it was like abit relieved and not as scary as i thought to be anymore...
so i just walked over to him and he looked up and stood up..
that face, so calming, so familiar yet so unfamiliar...

that scene, just made me rmb our that 'first date' at ps..
aft sch, i took bus and got off, wanting to find him..
and rmb fren was with me, and pointed to me like he was behind me...
that day was one of the happiest day i cant forget..
and this one in melb was the same also, a fren was with me also and left after i met him..

but this one in melb is not the same as that first date....

so, it's like we didnt even rly say proper hello or what...and we started walking off..
and talking quite normally like friends smhw...
and that ahgong was walking on my left....that side he liked....

the feeling, atmosphere was weird, rly weird, considered how badly we last talked..
he said to bring me go eat cakes the night bef and then so brought me to this teahouse..
and throughout we tried to talk...smiled..like norm friends...

while in the queue we still cont to talk..and tt ahgong was asking whether i moved in to new place already,how is it, etc..
and he actually rmbered my new place is at serangoon garden..
i said it was nice bec i have my own room now, and he still joked saying he always had his own room..

and while he queued, still asked me to go look and choose what cakes first..
there was that feeling of 'familiarity'..
and that 'an xin' feeling with him like those times still,even after so long,even after how we ended so badly..

still, i was nervous..
and he of cux noticed easily, and said i was still the same, like still trembly voice..
the things he said kept reminding me of those memories...'trembling'...
that one time in office where i went to talk to him about a cust, was so cold i was trembling and talking to him and he ask why i was trembling...and i said i was cold..but it was also, bec i was nervous talking to a 'ec' too..

and he still say i keep playing ard with my phone..
of course, i was scared..such a meeting was sth i never expected of...
and how we were talking,smiling..
it was so weird, awkward...of cux i was nervous,shaking a little...
i didnt want that ahgong to say i didnt change..
i wanted him to see that i wasnt the same as last time..but i failed badly...

the 'hi-tea' lunch was quite 'happy'..
we talked, smiled and laughed bout random stuff we talked about...
that ahgong asked where my fren went and i said some nice cafe she wanted to go..
and that ahgong went to search the reviews for the cafe my fren went and compared to ours..
hers like 3.5 and ours 4.5 stars,sth like that...
and showed me on his phone...

and i thought seemed like that ahgong was still like that ahgong i got to know of..
didnt change much..
that time while we were on the phone talking deciding what movie to watch,that ahgong went to search also, and looked at the num of 'popcorns', supposedly the number of stars for those movies..
how he look at the reviews, to help decide which movie to watch..
thinking back, xin hao tong.....

i showed that ahgong, fren even took pic of her drinks and sent me..
so that ahgong said i should take and sent her too..
and i randomly took..
and i thought of wanting to randomly have that ahgong in that pic too..but i couldnt take it..he suddenly looked up at me..

then he said have to arrange nicely and take..
so that ahgong actually help me arranged, and adjusted the position of the stuff..
the teapot,the teaspoon, the plate etc then i can take a nice pic....

i guess that was the last 'nice thing' that ahgong did for that ahpoh...

and he even asked to try his cake...

throughout we talked about random stuff..
how we're both doing now, etc..and also talked about why i came here..bec for hols and also F1..
and we still talked about the race..who won etc...and told him about that funny encounter with a old uncle i met at the race, and shivering in the rain with him..
and that ahgong actually knew about the results...and vettel didnt win...


and i rmb how that ahgong say he cooks at home now..
and is the 'cook' for the house...
i thought i rmb last time tt ahgong didnt rly know how to cook..
always ordering mac delivery...him saying he had alot tibits in the kitchen and once ate alot siting in the kitchen?
all these memories smhw fading...

but now, he was telling me what he can cook...
and i shared also,thinking of those cooking experience in norway..
i was also smhw the better 'cook' among frens...
but seemed like that ahgong can cook better than me now...
and i kept thinking if only i could try that ahgong's food...
and i thought of how tt ahgong actually told me that time, to learn baking 'to capture his stoned heart more' sth like that, when i was at his place....

i tried to be normal and smile and enjoy the lunch...
and that ahgong saw my ring and was joking asking if i was getting married and asked if i will invite him..and i answered maybe,consider first..

throughout we joked and laughed...
but inside me was so..
i was expecting that ahgong to say something, sth about that past, those answers..
but at that lunch he didnt say anything...

he was still saying about bringing us out at night to some nice choc place, after his church..
and was asking our plans for nx few days etc..and when i said about the philip island day tours, he said he could have drove and fetch us..
but i said, i wouldnt have talked to him before this ah..impossible to talk to him and ask him to bring us around ah...

and at some point in time, he still asked me to smile......
like bec i guess i was too nervous looking...

he say when i'm not using my phone, i becum so...

and i cant forget how that ahgong said bef why he like that ahpoh....'bec she was always smiling at tt ahgong......'

i rmb that ahgong said i was so 'fu yan', n chinese..
because of some answer i gave, i cant rmb what..
bec the place was so crowded and abit noisy, sometimes i couldnt rly hear that ahgong clearly, and i actually heard 'are u full yet'...
then that ahgong repeated and said those chi words again....
that way the ahgong speaks chinese....'fu yan'..
i tried to correct andtell him how to pronounce properly,bec like before that, i pronounced some street name wrongly, and he was trying to correct me and like laughing a little...

i rmb i liked hearing that ahgong speak chinese in his way...liked teasing him about his chi...
and those words 'fu yan'....

he once said in a phone call during that period of time where things were 'changing' smhw already...
and so one time he called and we talked for awhile only and hung up...
after awhile he called again..
and i asked why..he said he thought his first call was too 'fu yan'...tts y he called again bec he felt bad...

and i think it was that ph call or somewhere there, that the ahgong said...'i'll stand by you'.......


that lunch i wished can just go on and on or just pause there..
i wanted to keep looking at that ahgong so i wont forget how he look...

wont forget how that moment was like...

but still, we had to leave...

and after tea, that ahgong actually suggested coffee...
coffee, something we both liked...coffee bean tgt and those photos we took that time......
and that giving me tissue to remind me to wipe my mouth.....

tt day that ahgong had sch in the morn and was so tired looking and kept yawning..
and i kept asking if we was v tired...like how in the past, we both worried each other tired, always asking..esp when on the ph and he hv work to nx day,always rushing him to slp..
and him asking me also, and those shoulder massage...

so that ahgong, brought me to another nice coffee place..
and we had some trouble finding that cafe..
it was in some random pretty alley...

the cafe was crowded, so we didnt go in..
instead we sat side by side, outside on some wooden bench thingy along the wall along the empty alley, drinking coffee...with that ahgong...

what an experience it was...
and that mocha was rly one of the nicest and one i wont forget...
and the cup had that ahgong's name...

and while sitting there talking...still random things..still laughing..
tt ahgong even was saying bout his nokia ph camera was v good, showing me pics etc..

but suddenly, that ahgong said sth like, he wasnt a good guy last time...

and my heart almost stopped hearing that....
those answers....the things i wanted to hear...finally.
but that ahgong didnt continue to explain much or what..
and was saying sth like if u're standing infront of the mirror..you cant see everything also?
cant rly rmb what exactly he said and what i said..

 i said sth maybe like only you know who u really are..?

and that conver just ended shortly..not the explainations and answers i hoped for..
and i didnt continue asking because i was hoping he would start saying by himself and not me asking..but he didnt...
and we had to leave soon bec he still had lessons..


so he walked me back to my hotel..
and the 'mood' changed back to normal talking again..
smiling, and talking..
i was trying to figure out where my hotel was..
was saying how bad my direction was, past few days on my own using gps still lost or took a long time finding my way..

and that ahgong started teaching like how to use gps properly..look for intersection, etc..
and he also taught me how to rmb the streets name of melb cbd..
it was quite cool and i didnt realise it was like that after staring at the map for so many days..

he taught me the 5 main streets going vertically was..'king st, william st, queen st, elizabeth st, swanston st..'
so it was actually like 'king william', 'queen elizabeth', but they split it, so the first main street starts with king st, then william st, then queen st, then elizabeth st, and so on..
and then horizontally, it was flinders, collins, bourke st, lonsdale st, la trobe st..etc..

and then he said after each main street, are those small streets, and it'll be called little collins st, little  bourke st, etc...
was quite 'amazed' learning all those and him 'teaching' me...
felt so silly not realising it after looking at the map so many times..

that walk back was somehow so happy..and another one that i cant forget...
never never ever imagined doing that in melb...with that ahgong..
walking on the streets with that ahgong in melb like that, after a random meetup ever since what last happened..
it was weird, but it was still a pleasant happy memory that i'll never forget...


until at night where we decided to meet again, to talk.....


The place that ahgong brought me to..


 But the ahgong said never arrange properly to take nice nice, so he helped to arrange..

 And after he arranged it..



 That really nice mocha we had in that random alley..the cup with that ahgong's name..

The cafe that was right at the end of this somewhat random alley..but a place i'll never forget..

All these pics, somewhat 'remind' me that it all did happen..because as time pass it all becomes so surreal and sometimes i really cant 'accept' and believe it really happened....

But it really did happened.

And i'm so thankful to have that little bit more of unique experience added on to the memories we shared together.



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