tdy aft wk..met sotong shing to shop for aug babies presents..
and then later met other sotongs for movie..
and we first watched smurf at the cathay..
and then last min,decided to watch final destination at ps..
first time,watching 2 consec movies at one go..2 totally diff movies sm more..
still had wk bef tt,eyes were rly closing le..

first in smurf,it was ahma's crazy crazy laughter..
esp the ending,tt made ahma 'pui' out,and burst into laughter..
then in fd,sy's shouting n laughing kept us awake..
supposed to be scary bt she ended up grabbing me and cover here n there n keep laughing..
she was the one tt wanted to watch..
but ended up otw home,both she n shing got so scared and paranoid..
shing still msged,saying she on the escalator,v scared,have to hold on tight..hahax..
it was a great night watching movie..

but bef tt,at work..


always hoped tt mervin wouldnt ask what happened btw o and me..
tml's his bday..asked me to join them for celeb..
and i said i didnt want..
and he asked if its bec o's going..asked what happened..
and i said yes,it'll be awkward also..
another reason is of cux,tt guy is going also..
dont want things like last time to happen again..

so i guess,sometimes,things tt u want to avoid,u cant avoid forever..
so i just told him a little of what happened..

last yr,when we just went in..mervin was alrdy working there quite some time..
and he's o fren..so we smhw got to know him thru o..
he's smhw our senior and since he's o's fren,so whenever we have any prob,we'll ask him..

and he's like our big bro,always helping us,taking care of us smhw..
last yr,o was like our big sis,taking care of us also..
always concerned if we had any probs,esp when jean gt so upset,bec of her ldr..
she was always w her..talking to her..or even pei her drink,club..
she did more than what i did..
tts why i always try to tell jean she's a gd fren..why so angry w her..
why mk things the way it is now..bt still things ended up the way it is nw..
now,o still working there,bt of cux she isnt the big sis to us like she used to be..

so now,mervin's like my big bro in office..got anything he'll help..
always joke and play around..
and always like to pat my head,like i'm a small sis..
so i guess,talking to a big bro isnt tt bad..
and i guess if he know why i'm nt toking to o,then nx time it wun be so awkward also..

i just told him..
bef tt ahgong incident,jean shir werent rly happy w o alrdy..
then aft tt,they smhw blamed her a little..
and it all added up and things became v bad btw them..
like all those quarrels about so many other things..
and i also didnt know what to do..
told him i wasnt angry w her or wad,just rly dunno how to face her,handle the situation..stucked in the middle..
so just left it like tt..

always had a qns,wanted to ask those who were working the same time both tt ahgong and rox was there..
but nv got to ask anyone..feel so dumb to ask them,cux they'll noe wad happened..
and i see roch in office,dun rly dare to tok to him..and he also nv tok..
it's so awkward,cux i'm sure he knew everything tt time..
he joked about tt ahgong and me bef..and i'm sure aft tt he'll know tt ahgong n rox..
since their clique outcasted them..

so i got to ask mervin this time..
i asked him how's rox like..
like hw's her character,can i trust her..

i said,i didnt rly talk to her much bef,dont rly know her tt well..
and he just said,she's someone who does things without rly thinking through..
i think mervin isnt tt close to her also,to know exactly hw she's like..

so i guess it didnt rly help much,as to whether i can trust her words or not..
maybe mervin's wrong about her..?i dont know..
maybe he's right about her..?

all those she told me,could be bec she was rly angry w tt ahgong tt time,so she just tell them all out to me,to destroy tt ahgong..without thinking..
and then aft tt telling me not to tell anyone..so it may be true..
if not,i rly hope is this,is tt she just mk up this whole story and just wanted to destroy tt ahgong totally..
though i guess she had no reason to mk up the story..


i told mervin i believe all the things she told me,and none of my frens believe her words..
cause it's too crazy..
and i asked if i'm right to believe her like tt..


and mervin said..
asked me to trust myself..believe in what i feel..dun care what others think..
i told him my fren will all think i'm stupid to believe tt ahgong..
they will think i'm stupid if they know i'm still thinking all these,cant forget..
and he just said,rly just trust urself..whether u believe tt ahgong or not..

but i doubt myself so much,whether am i rly stupid,or simply blinded by all the perfectly stitched lies by tt ahgong..

i told him i really trust,believe tt ahgong isnt so bad..
i asked if he saw how tt ahgong's like at work,how he does his work..
how can he be someone so bad and change so much..
when we even discussed so much about it when we werent tgt yet..
even talked about waiting till aft he grad..and all the things he did..
he cant be so bad..really..

but i also believe all the crazy things she told me..
cause i dun believe she can mk up such a big story and lie to me..
why will she lie to me..so i trust her,believe her also..
believing her story shd mean tt i accept tt the ahgong is a vvvv bad guy..

and yet,i still trust and believe tt ahgong isnt bad,deep inside..
so isnt it contradicting alrdy..shd be so clear to me,what kind of person he rly is..
then why cant i let go of it yet..cant forget tt ahgong,even for one day..


and he asked,if i still like him..
the ans is obvious,if nt i wont be talking to him about this ah..

i said,all my frens think tt ahgong rly is a bad guy..
not bec of rox story,bt bec of what tt ahgong did to me..
for telling me so much,making so much promises and yet..
and they all looked at me tt time,like i was so stupid,so crazily blinded..
and it was so painful,bec they didnt rly understand..
when it was so unbearable tt time,and i had to talk to them,i knew what they were thinking inside..how they werent rly happy about me nt letting go..
if i could hv hv kept it all inside me..i wouldnt hv talked..
and ended up,they have to see me tt way..
i rather i keep it all inside,and go crazy..and not want them to see me in tt way,and said all those things..
but i wasnt strong enough then..


talked until i teared..and i still quickly turn away..
talked quite awhile until he had to kp 'refreshing' his wrap up..
but still,big bro just cont to tell me to believe in myself..trust my feelings..
and said,if it's meant to be,it'll be..
asked if i'll wait..
how to..when i never got a proper ans to all those rubbish..
when he shd hv a gf there alrdy..
if i were to,how will my frens see me..

told him,i'm so dumb to be stucked so long..and it's going to be one yr alrdy..
why i so dumb still cant let go when tt ahgong also wont be affected anymore,guys can get over v easily..

and he said,not dumb..
said he took 1yr+ to get over one of his ex also..
keep saying trust my heart,ignore what rox said..
can i,is it so easy..
i can nv forget the things rox said..cant tk it tt its nt true..
and till now,thinking of the things she said about tt ahgong still scares me,disgust me..
but i rly wish it isnt true..


they all used to see tt ahgong as a good guy,so sweet,thoughtful..happy for me..
why didnt they stand by tt thought..
and i'm the only one left,standing by it,sillyly hoping tt one day,i'm right..
tt ahgong rly wanted to be better and to be well for those tt matter..

tt ahgong said before..
said he'll stand by tt ahpoh..
but he walked away just like tt..and cut her so deep..
but yet,tt ahpoh still stupidly seem to just keep staying there,standing right at the same spot..
hoping tt one day,maybe,tt ahgong will turn back,will rmb his promises..
those promises tt meant so much..

ahgong,u said bef..
'i dont want you to be unhappy,i want you to be happy forever..'

but why say that,and then end up be the person to mk tt ahpoh so unhappy all these time..
why say that,and then did all those to hurt me and cut me so deep..
it's so ironic..it's so dumb..

why make promises when u nv intended to keep to them..
why bluff urself to mk empty promises,why lie to me..
why break them one by one..

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