today's 02062011..
it's june already..

talked to jean tt day and talked about when she coming back..
meeting her on 6jun,mon..
and i asked is that the mon last year we started work..our first day in starhub..
and yes,it was,that week,that monday..

and i said how i wished we can just go back to one year ago..tt time..
and she just said 'hugz'..i guess she know what i meant to say to go back to one year ago..
where 4 of us just met..
and i thought why i wanted to go back to one yr ago..
is it because i wished i didnt met tt ahgong,then i won't have had to go through all these pain..
or is it because i would still want to meet tt ahgong,and hoping tt things would have turn out differently,and i definitely would not have done things i did then..

i know i've nv regretted meeting tt ahgong,and i would still choose to meet him again..
and i'm sure i wouldnt be so cowardly..i'm sure i would have been more brave to hold on to tt ahgong tighter..and not let go on day one,to let him to decide..i would have told him right in the face how much i wanted it,and not act like i didnt care..


someone asked me if that ahgong was my first..
and i said you should know there were others..
but tt ahgong did so much in such a short time..
so much so that..i guess he should be tt ahpoh's real first love..
the one the ahpoh like the most,the hardest she find to let go..
the most pain ever..
and also it was the greatest happiness she felt,up till now..


was watching tv with mum..
and she was saying the actor and actress..
the girl was attached..but seems like she actually like the other guy..
mum says the girl and the other guy both like each other..
but the timing was wrong..

and i thought was our timing wrong??is there really such a thing?
why will the timing be wrong..?how does it come into play..
when we should be working everything out ourself..
so what if it was wrong?does it mean our right timing will come one day?will it?
i wish..

tt ahgong even said before..
if we met earlier..he'll choose..
and i always wonder what he rly mean..
does it just mean he didnt got over his last..
and so if we met earlier..
we'll still be tgt..

but aft he said tt..he ended up getting tgt w her..
and at tt pt in time when he said tt,the girl say they already had sth..
so why did he say that..how did he say that..

was our timing really wrong..
because he decided tt he didnt want anything serious yet at tt point in time..
tts why he still bothered to msg auntie vic after he deliberately talked so badly to me,and asked her to help him take care of me..
but why,all these time,he didnt even try and ask how am i doing,or talk to me..
nth at all..is he rly so hen xin..to want me to rly forget him..aft capturing my heart like this..and leave me behind..
when i was the one to say that i will be hen xin and forget..
how can tt ahgong turn ard and be so hen xin to tt ahpoh..
i just dont know what was he thinking when he said that..
if we met earlier..
such a great big liar??i always try to tell myself..

so does it mean the timing is just wrong and our chance is just gone..forever..
and fate letting us meet was just a dumb thing..
because it made us meet,and made that ahgong so impt and mean so much to me..
but in the end,it made us walk away from each other,not even letting us be tgt for a longer time..
so short,but sweet..
should i feel lucky that it was so sweet so happy so shortlived like a rainbow,snowflakes..
ephemeral..
but then there's this big part of questionable truth,this 'dirty truth',left behind on this sweetest part of my life yet..


or will there come a time,where the timing will be right for us..
it won't..

because 'how much i wanted to believe if fate wanted us to meet at this wrong time,it'll bring us tgt somehow somewhere,even if it were to take 4 yrs to get there.'

and i cant believe in anything,anymore..

Newer›  ‹Older